#whendoyoufeelmostbeautiful?

• When i'm in my purest form. No makeup etc.. Just a t-shirt and panties
• When I experience moments of bliss, contentment, and confidence
• When I laugh uncontrollably
• When the only thing separating me and earth is the skin on my feet
• when I feel accomplished (mostly by reaching a goal)
• When i'm 100% in the moment
• When I connect with others past a superficial level (more especially on a spiritual level)
• When I recognize a new area of mental and physical beauty
• When i'm honest with myself

Time.

In the past couple of weeks, I have had two separate conversations about the use of time. One conversation involved an individual interested in me romantically (sadly but gladly the feeling is not mutual) who made the comment that I'm too busy and never make time for them. Now had I deemed this person a friend and had I known them longer than 2 months, I may have felt some type of way by that statement and aligned my actions with the way I felt. But alas, I don't and my actions have followed suit (and there is not much action on my part). The other conversation was with my cousin and aunt over brunch. My cousin brought up the fact that my aunt needs to put herself out there and date more (she's mid-60s). My aunt responded that she has tried a plethora of dating sites only to be disappointed by the lies (and I can totally understand that and will leave it for a separate post at a later date) and really has no desire to give up the things she enjoys to invest in the pursuit of finding a partner. She feels that while doing the things she loves, her boo thang will appear and they will do those things together. Boom. Ain't that the truth?

I'm a planner. I tried to change. I tried to let go of my calendar and just flow with it, I tried not to fill up my time with things I enjoy, to be idle. I tried. I really did. Sadly, it's just not me. Everything I put my time towards, I truly enjoy hence why I make time for it. Between work, side hustles, and volunteering, my free time is "limited" and as a result of finding balance and finding value, I choose to use that time to enjoy the company of those I really enjoy and to do the things I find pleasure in. And all of that goes into my google calendar. I even write my mom in my calendar. This is not to say that she is less important or that I can't see or spend time with her outside of the time on my calendar. It to me says, that you or whatever it is, is important enough for me to give my time (something you can never get back) to and I want to make sure that there are no distractions or interferences when it comes to that time. My ex complained that I didn't have time for him, I beg to differ. He may have had too much time and may not understood that the things I commit myself to are things that I see as an extension of myself (and for the betterment of the community). I felt guilty when people would complain about  my planner ways, but really I don't care. It works for me and it allows me the ability to enjoy everything I commit to the fullest. I believe in making time for the things that are important to you, important to your development, important to your connection to the world and because of this I will continue to fill out my calendar making time for the things that matter most to me.

When you release....you receive

I asked my bestfriend what I should write about and she was just as unsure as I was. Given all that is going on and all that has gone on, i've been having a hard time wrapping my mind around just one thing that would be good enough to focus on for a post. As I look back at this summer and recent events, the one thing that pops into my mind is the word release. So as I release these words here, hopefully I can find some sort of meaning in all the thoughts scrambled in my mind and perhaps you will find something for you too.

If the beginning of the summer was any indication of how this summer was going to go, I could confidently say it would have sucked. really bad. In one week I celebrated a birthday, a death, and a break up. Waaaaay tooo much, right?! I wasn't in space like woe is me or anything but I was taken back at all the monumental things that occurred within such a short period of time that I could not quite digest each one. They say when it rains it pours, and that it did. Thank God I invested in that sturdy $2 umbrella from Ikea...

Now that I look back, i'm grateful that all of that happened at once because it forced me to acknowledge the power of release. Most folks that know me know that I practice a more metaphysical type of "religion" and that at the center of my beliefs is the idea that the mind is powerful beyond measure both consciously and subconsciously and these conscious and subconscious thoughts manifest themselves into a physical space. (Hopefully I didn't lose you there because I really do have a point..haha). The actions of that dreadful week in June were a result of my mind manifesting my desires. The correlating theme in all of those events is release, letting go, setting free..however you want to phrase it. The universe and my mind both aligned to present me with an opportunity to release the concepts that imprisoned me in order to make space for a new way of thinking and being. And in all honesty, It was about damn time. All of my actions leading up to this were aligning me to this experience in order to be in a position to accept it and move forward from it all.

So what was I releasing? The idea of permanency. Nothing in this life is permanent. Nothing is guaranteed. When we hold on to the idea that things are guaranteed, permanent, belonging to us, etc.. we are allowing ourselves to be controlled by it. This goes for objects, people, situations, etc. When we busy ourselves with thoughts of ways to hold on to something, we lose time appreciating it.When we hold on to things that are not meant to be held on to, we lose ourselves. When we release the things that we hold ourselves bound to, we create a space for all the things that we are meant to have.

I took some down time to digest all that went on and I'm still taking time to really figure out the path moving forward, but in the end I feel confident in knowing that the direction I am heading in is the right one.

Reflections of 28

The last time I wrote I told myself I had to do better. I have been horrible at keeping up with my writing and as a result am writing a blog post that is way overdue. In just a few short days I will be entering my last year of my 20s. Holy effin cow where has the time gone? As some folks dread getting older, I look forward to it. I always said I look forward to 30 and 50 and then i'll stay at 50 until the end ;) But alas, i'm not there yet.

The week leading up to my birthday is always super reflective for me. Sometimes I wish I had the opportunity to travel to some undisclosed location and just be. Alone. By myself. To reflect and think and set my intentions for the upcoming new year. Since I don't have that opportunity, I have to find the time to squeeze it in when I can and to hopefully not get too caught up in my thoughts to the point where I disconnect from what i'm doing in that moment. We are constantly evolving and constantly learning and I can make a whole list of lessons that were presented in the year. But I won't. Not because i'm selfish but because i'm still learning how to apply these lessons in my life. I re-read the blog that I wrote just before my birthday last year of the things that I hoped for in the new year. I wish I can say I stayed true to that list, but I can't and i'm fine with that. I know in time the things I hope for will present themselves as consistent aspects of my life. Until then, I will accept where I am and allow myself to be in a space where I can receive all the things that the universe has to offer me.

In the last week I decided to take inventory of these past 28 years. Doing this exercise allowed me to see all the things that I have accomplished placing me in a space where I can appreciate. We are often so caught up in the next best thing that we forget all the good things that have happened. All the good things we have done. All the goals we have achieved. I decided to take this inventory to put me in a space of appreciation of me. Something that I pride myself on and also realize is a great flaw is that I put others before myself. I can't help it. I truly believe I was created this way and I totally accept it. But as a result I have lost sight of the things that I have accomplished and I have lost sight of the things that have made me me. In addition, it has led me down a path where I felt the need to do more more more instead of doing what felt right in the moment. As 28 comes to a close I feel confident in knowing that I have done a better job of creating the balance needed to operate in a capacity that allows me to do what is essential to my core-which is serving others- while remaining focused on my own needs for personal satisfaction. As they say "self love is the best love" so i'm going to close out 28 celebrating me!

 Without further ado...my 29 accomplishments before 29

1. Complete 3 half marathons (yes, thick girls can run)
2. Graduate from college...while working full-time
3. Completing my Masters degree
4. Traveling to 4 of 7 continents (if airports count it would be 5)
5. Travel to my #1 of my top 5 places to go...Kenya
6. Travel to my #2 of my top 5 places to go...India
7. Travel to my #3 of my top 5 places to go...Puerto Rico
8. Live in a foreign country...alone
9. Learn to speak a foreign language...muli bwanji?
10. Fall in love
11. Own pets
12. Live in cities other than my hometown
13. Visit a winery...or two...or three..
14. Participate in a book club
15. Quit a job that wasn't fulfilling/making me happy/etc.
16. Mentor youth
17. Participate in community service continuously
18. Develop a strong professional/personal network
19. Live inside my means
20. Buy a new car...by myself
21. Swim in 3 of the 4 oceans
22. Hitchhike...and survive
23. Maintain a vegetarian diet..for more than 3 months
24. Make a commitment and maintain a commitment to health and mental well being
25. Develop and implement youth programs globally
26. Manage other people
27. Travel to an island
28. Live alone
29. Take risks with jobs, love, and life

I guess the real reason why I wrote this is because we often overlook the small things waiting for the next big thing to happen. We often forget to celebrate the small accomplishments. We often forget to celebrate all the experiences that have made us into the people we are. 

And an added bonus my 30 before 30!

1. Skydive (happening on my 29th bday!)
2. Watch the sunset over the ocean
3. Watch the sunrise over the ocean
4. Stargaze at the National Mall
5. Jazz in the park
6. Attend an outdoor movie
7. Go to a drive-in
8. Go to a gun range
9. Attend a cultural event
10. Learn/take Spanish classes
11. Drive with no destination in mind and eat at a local restaurant
12. Picnic somewhere new
13. Go fruit picking
14. Try out acupuncture
15. Paddle boat on the Potomac
16. Go to all the memorials (esp. the Jefferson)
17. Buy coffee/lunch/dinner/etc.. for a random stranger
18. Go to the Library of Congress
19. Go up the Washington Monument
20. Go to Nashville (haven't been since I left in 2008)
21. Go camping somewhere new
22. Go to Boston (to visit my other PC pal/sister wife)
23. Visit New York as a tourist
24. Eat a meal in Queens, Bronx, and Long Island (the boroughs I haven't been)
25. Hangout on Coney Island
26. Visit Sugarloaf Mtn. (in MD)
27. Go to the Baltimore Aquarium
28. Eat Vietnamese food
29. Go to Luray Cavern
30. Go to Greece (the other motherland!)

Update:

Changing out some of the above list to align more with where my head is now..
 #10 will become begin learning a new language (still in progress...spanish, french, or arabic?)
#23 and 24 and 25 will become 23. 
#24 will become take myself on a personal date monthly (so far so good!)
#25 will become blog more consistently (a must happen!)
#30 will become travel internationally



*some of these things I have done before but want to re-do them because they bring me joy :) *

And I guess my request to my friends is...if you're down for helping check off one or more of my 30 before 30s let me know!

Until next time be well and celebrate you!

xoxo

Give it what you got...

I need to do better. I need to do better. I need to do better. I need to do better. I need to do better.

I need to do better

My last post was written a little over 6 months ago, right before my favorite holiday- My birthday. Now that we are at my 2nd favorite holiday- NYE, I guess this is pretty good timing to squeeze in one last blog of 2013. Like many of you, 2013 was a CHALLENGING year. Actually, it was a year full of bullshit. Ok maybe not bullshit (and please excuse my language) but it was definitely a year that I am glad to put behind me. 2013 was a huge year of transition for me. From personal to professional, it felt as if my life some how fell out of my grasp and I was left struggling to regain control. Now that we are embarking on a new year, I can only help feel relieved at the opportunity to restart with a refreshed perspective on what it is I really want out of this thing called life. 

In true form, there were TONS of lessons learned in the last year and obviously there are a few things I plan on putting out in the universe in the new year. I would share all those lessons, but as I think about them, I realize that it may take several pages and lots of time, so i'm going to spare you and share with you the most important lessons learned in 2013. 

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1. Give it what you got...

On my way to work this morning, I drove past a man asking for change on the side of the road. I have seen this man out there before and it's pretty obvious that he suffers from some mental/physical disability (he appears to have significant eyesight loss).Usually, I catch the light before this man reaches my car but today I did not catch the light and this man made it to my car. I have always been the believer that if you feel compelled to do something, then you should do it. So as I look in my wallet to see if I had a spare dollar and all I found was a $10.  So I gave  what I had- that $10 bill. I would be lying if I didn't think of the several different ways I could have spent that money, but I also would have been disappointed in myself for putting such trivial needs before the basic needs of others. I don't like to speak about those small acts of kindness because it seems boastful and the only reason why I did so now is the lesson that was presented after reflecting on the action.  If you ask my mom, i'm generous to a fault. I give my time and resources without thinking about me first. And yeah this could be true, but I also believe that when you give what you got, you will get what you need.  Despite all the challenges this year presented me, I can honestly look back and be grateful for all that it gave me. I have formed awesome relationships with awesome people, I had great travel experiences, I have been presented with great professional opportunities. Most importantly, I have been given experiences that have allowed for a space of reflection, deeper sense of self, and clarity.

and

2. Shifting operations from a space of fear to a space of faith...

Recently I had a conversation with a great friend and we were talking about operating in a space of fear. Thinking about myself, my actions, my thoughts, I realized that this year I have been operating in a space of fear. Fear of not being in the place I thought I would be personally and professionally and fearful of failing. Operating from this space prevented me from being able to look around and figure out what I really wanted in that moment and what I really want for myself. As my friend so poignantly put it "we have to shift from operating in a space of fear to a space of faith." If we started relying on our faith that the things that are meant to happen will happen and if we start believing that all that we are supposed to have will be, then we will stop mentally blocking ourselves from the greatness that is in each one of us. As they say, "we are our own worst enemies" and reflecting on all this, I have come to realize that the internal conflict that was a result of all the transitions came from my inability to operate from a space of faith. I encourage you reflect on this quote that has really resonated with me in the last few weeks " Don't wait for the world to recognize your greatness, live it and let the world catch up to you." Go out there, give it all you got and watch as all you need comes back to you. 

SO....

With all this being said, here are my goals for 2014.

1.Become more committed to my health and wellness (mind, body, and soul)

2.Financial Responsibility

3. Focus on developing my consultant business

I know my blogs are long winded so I'm going to save the details for each goal for another blog. I hope as we close out 2013 you have had the opportunity to reflect on the old and prepare for the new. 

I'm ready to live up to my greatness and I am looking forward to all the good that will come in 2014.

Until next year.... 

Wishing you a safe, healthy, happy, and fulfilling new year!

Reaffirmation

If you know me (or at least have kept up with my blog) you know that tomorrow marks a very, very, special day for me. It's my 28th birthday! I am so excited to be able to re-open a new year, a new chapter, with a renewed sense of self, direction, perspective and I am so excited to put what I have learned and what I am still learning into practice.

If I were to put a word on the last year, I would say it was the year of reaffirmation (whoa ho ho...big word there! it means to confirm something that was previously confirmed- anyway I digressed there). Every challenge from the last year reaffirmed a lesson I had previously learned. Well, i'm sure you're asking yourself  "how do you relearn a lesson that you already learned before...I mean once you learn it, why do you need to re-learn it?" Well, that's simple. We have a need to re-learn lessons because when challenges are presented we tend to forget those lessons and we all know anything that we really need to know has to be presented to us several times before we actually make it habit. So yeah, the last year was full challenges which resulted in learning and re-learning lessons. Again, if you keep up with this blog you know my style, I will write the lesson a brief tidbit to go with it, then thank you all in the end for reading and it's over. This time instead of reflecting on those instances that resulted in my re-learning something, I am going to share with you my hopes for the new year.

This year, I hope...

• To feel fulfilled by all the relationships in my life.
• To love others freely without losing sight of loving myself
• To accept people where they are
• To embrace the roles people play in my life
• To create the boundaries necessary to allow me to maintain balance in my life
• To maintain peace
• To not let my future predict my present
• To create the community I want to be a part of
• To love more
• To just enjoy..the moment, the company, the memories

Here's to another year of lessons, love, and living life to the fullest!

Cheers :)
 

Spring has sprung

After getting lost in life's woes for the month of March, i'm excited for spring. Beside the whole allergies kicking my ass and leaving me feel like a sloppy mess in the morning or waking up in the middle of the night with watery eyes, running nose, and feeling like poo ( I have Allegra-D on speed dial). But that is another issue for a different day. I've been in my new position a little over a month and enjoying it. Everyday i'm learning and being challenged, which is important to me. I like my coworkers and appreciate the diverse experiences they bring to the table. All in all, I am happy with the decision to stay and take this position. I'm sure Afghanistan would have had it's challenges and learning experiences, part of me just wasn't ready to pack it all up and re-live the expat life again. So here I am, in DC for the long haul. And the best part of it all is that spring is here! The temperatures are rising, I can escape the drab colors of winter and bask in the lively spring colors. And with spring comes a re-emergence of myself. As corny and cliche as this metaphor will be, I'm truly like a flower, coming to light at the right time and enjoying all that is around me. Winter was spent finding some stability and figuring out what I want and how to create those happy spaces. Some of those times more difficult than others but in the end presenting me with the lesson that life will present you with the things that are meant to be presented when they're meant to be presented and things should not be forced. You can't force people to be your friend, you can't force an experience to happen, you can't force life to happen. You have to let life happen and find ways to enjoy it as it does. I'm excited for the better weather and hanging out with friends, I am excited about how things will unfold at work and I am excited about all that will come.

Spring has sprung!