#trusttheprocess

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new"

October has always been a tough month and I always seem to find myself in a state of transition during this time (i'm sure the weather change contributes). I have never been a fan of transitions, that in between period of uncertainty, where things just seem to be completely out of your control. My anxiety takes over and my thoughts start ping ponging all over the place. After the summer bliss, it's like October hits and all of sudden I put pressure on myself to figure out my life's direction knowing that life is quite unpredictable.

So here we are. October has practically come and gone and I can say I have survived. I not only survived but things weren't all that bad and i'm walking away from this month with some great memories, a reset on personal goals, and more clarity on the direction I'm headed (while remaining open to whatever comes).
-------------------------------------Part I of the October Chronicles-Work

At the beginning of the school year, I wrote this quote on the board that faces my desk. I needed a reminder so I wouldn't get hungup on what HAS happened but focus on what IS happening. After a couple of weeks of school being in session, I added the statement "Trust the process" to my board as a reminder. A reminder that things need to happen in order to get our 'new'. This year has not been without it challenges school-wise. I love my students. Hands down they are my motivation on some of the challening days and they are my inspiration on others. Their resilience and strength is something to write a book about, my students, the forgotten ones, bring me hope daily. Which is why initially I was torn when it came to the idea of seeking employment elsewhere. Not because I don't love my students, but because I am aware of my value, I am aware of my worth, and I am working in a system that doesn't want me to be aware of either. To take the high road, I won't go into the details of the situations and people that motivated me to make the decision to leave, I just knew, that if I wanted to continue serving young people, continue creating opportunities for them to recognize their worth, see their value, and grow into their greatness, I would not be able to do it in my current role. So once the decision was made to look for a new job, I selectively looked for positions that would a) allow me to continue working directly with young people b) allow me the opportunity to design (program/curriculum design) c) offer me a new experience d) compensate me fairly for what I bring to the table e) will be a stepping stone to my overall personal and professional goals (yeah a lot of letters..haha). I applied to 6 positions, offered interviews with 5, and chose 1. And as I begin the transition into this new role, having no real idea what to expect, I remind myself that I have to trust this process. I have to trust that following my intuition will lead me in the right direction but also trusting myself enough to know that whatever may be thrown at me, I can handle it.

------------------------------------Part II of the October Chronicles-Life

I don't know if it's just me, but these days seem to have flown by. Trying to balance work stuff with life stuff has been a bit tricky. Work had been draining my energy and I had little desire to do much of anything. Although I would have preferred to come home from work everyday, cozy up on the couch and read or watch some TV, I had to be mindful of my committments. I told myself this year I would not take on any new commitments to ensure that I have a proper balance and even though October felt overwhelming at times, I made it through. I have gotten better at letting go thoughts and people that interfer with me operating at my highest level and I have gotten better enjoying those moments I get alone. Life, full of surprises, ultimately is going really well. Teaching (yoga) is going well and my students always give me life with their positivity. My mother baby program is off to a good start despite the challenges some of my young ladies are facing. I love having sessions with them because I get to hold some of the cutest babies in the world! I look forward to seeing them develop over the year. I wake up grateful for all that is and genuinely look forward to all that will be. Even if what will be may not be exactly how I thought it would be.

-----------------------------------Part III of the October Chronicles-Love

Surprise! I'm engaged. Hahaha SIKE! I do not have some surprise love story to share. I feel like my love life is moving along and I have come to just accept that it is what it is. Thanks to Facebook and the million articles they have...How to love an old soul, how to know he's the one, how to love an extrovert, yada yada yada you get it, I come to realize that it comes down to compatibility and timing. I haven't actively been seeking out dating prospects, partially because of interest in one particular, partially because after my last stint on Match, I told myself that I would just let it be. I have no interest in casually dating or dating just to say I have a date and I have no interest in random hook ups, so given this i'm pretty much sitting like a lame duck patiently hoping someone catches my attention for longer than 5 minutes. I'm quirky, I'm sometimes corny, I'm a free spirit, and I know that west coast living is part of my destiny and that eventually I will expand my wings internationally again. Now, taken all that into account, finding someone open to all of that has been..eh...yeah i'm still single (haha). BUT as my hope was dwindling, it was restored.

When I signed up with Match this past summer, I was hopeful. I have seen some success and some major failures and figured that if folks are paying they are going to be upfront and honest. Yeah.. not always the case. After conversing with a few and going on a couple dates and those being somewhat horrific, I told myself to just ride out the time left on my paid subscription and see what comes through the inbox. Luckily enough, one came through the inbox and was actually worth exploring. There were a lot of commonalities and shared interests but he was currently overseas. Awesome, i'm about that life-+10 points. The email exchanges were consistent and they flowed easily. The interaction was becoming a part of my daily routine. In one communication it was shared that instead of staying in DC once his tour was up he would be going back overseas on another tour. Damn, so much for this one. Me being me was a little disappointed but conitnued communicating because at this point I have nothing to lose. After about 2 months of written communication we finally were able to connect in person. Of course I had some nerves but I also went into it with a YOLO be open mentality. Like be REAL OPEN given the circumstances. So with my nothing to lose, open to the experience, and live for the story mentality I met this man. The funny thing is, it's only been about 2 months of actual knowing or meeting in person but feels like longer. Given the circumstances our time was not as plentiful as I wished, but it was more than I had expected. He's pretty awesome...ok not pretty but is awesome and i'm grateful for the time together (including an amazing trip to Belize!) I have no idea what the future entails and I have no idea where our paths will be leading us, but I do know that when I listen to my intuition I hear/see/feel that this story is not over yet. Even outside of the whole romantic thing, i'm pretty confident that we will remain friends. I just have to continue trusting this process and continue believing that the person intended for me is out here, I just may have to wait a little longer for him.

I did decide though, after going full throttle on the dating thing for most of this year that I'm going to take a step back and focus on transitioning into my new job, re-establishing my healthy living practices, and working towards the goals I have set.

So October, even though you did have your challenges, you did not defeat me. Thanks for everything but it's time to move on, let go, and trust the process.

The soundtrack to my life

There are certain songs that just resonate with your soul. These songs describe an event, experience, lesson learned, relationships, you name it this song or these songs speak to you. I love music. Literally spend about 80% of my day listening to music and the other times, i'm usually in a meeting or sleeping. Something about music just soothes me to no end. I can listen for hours lost or found in my thoughts just enjoying, just being.

Sometimes I wonder, if I had a soundtrack to my life what songs would make the cut? When there are hundreds of thousands of songs that you have connected with, how do you narrow it down to just 10 or 12? I'm pretty sure I would have to have a box collection but if I had to narrow my soundtrack down to 10 or 12 what would those be? I decided to challenge myself to determine to come up with the list and below is what I came up with. These songs are in no particular order...

1. One Republic- I Lived

2. Van Morrison- Brown Eyed Girl

3. India Arie- Video

4. Alanis Morrisette- Ironic

5. Anita Baker- Giving You the Best that I got

6. Carole King- Natural Woman 

7. Lupe Fiasco- The Show Goes On

8. Talib Kweli/Jean Grae- Black Girl Pain

9. DeBarge- I Like It

10. Hall and Oates- Sara Smile

11. Fleetwood Mac- Landslide

12. Maxwell- Pretty Wings

Bonus Track: Tracy Chapman-Talkin About a Revolution 

Who's going to burn me a cd?!

"What do you do?"

When I first moved to DC, I would inwardly gag when someone began a conversation asking about my occupation. I'm not going to go down the rabbit hole of why that is rude and i'll save the lecture on why a person's worth has nothing to do with their job title. What I will say is that what I do can't be summed up in a title. As I begin to consider next steps, I go back and forth about getting out of direct services or staying in. Not that I don't love serving others but I think I may be ready for a new challenge, i'm just not sure what this new challenge is yet. In the meantime, I'm at peace that I am where I am.

As someone that has explored different occupations, i'm pretty sure folks are not exactly aware of what it is I do. One moment I'm working with the homeless and the next moment i'm in a some remote place on the otherside of the world. Sometimes I wonder myself just what i'm doing. On the outside it may not make sense, but to me it does. So back to the question: what do you do?

Since I have transitioned into working with young people, I have realized more and more my title doesn't matter because I do whatever needs to get done. In my current role I manage/coordinate/plan (whatever) post-secondary activities for young adults (so essentially think of life skills development, workforce development, college/career planning, etc.. All the things you wished you had learned earlier). I sum it up as a youth life coach, a voice of reason, a resource, a guide to assisting young people navigate systems they may not understand. In any given day I can deal with a plethora of issues. From counseling a student dealing with family stuff to guiding a group through work opportunities, to coordinating with outside partners, to being a cheerleader, surrogate mother, problem solver, therapist, listener, giver of hugs, voice of reason, and the list goes on. There is no such thing as a "normal" day (yesterday I had 2 students argue over a saugage muffin...really?) Some days are more exhausting than others and some days almost make me feel defeated. When you hear stories day in and day out, it can get easy to get jaded or become emotionaless to the struggle. You hear story after story and it can numb you from having any sort of reaction. I never want to get to that point where I have no reaction, no emotion to the struggles that my students deal with daily...and trust me, their struggles are real. As exhausting as it can be, as sad as some moments are, I absolutely love what I do. I'll continue to do some soul searching to figure out the what next but for now, i'm going to continue serving, mentoring, guiding, loving, mothering, supporting my young people.

So in the end, when asked what I do? I can confidently respond with " I do what I love". 

DC Bucketlist

I'm on a roll. Not really. I'm taking a break and decided to re-visit my bucket list. My time as a resident of DC is ticking away and after living here for 6 years there are SEVERAL things that I have left to experience here. My may never live any where else that has so many cool, FREE activities so i'm going to take advantage of it while I can.

DC/DMV Bucketlist:

Concert/Event at the Kennedy Center
Shakespeare Theatre (either Romeo and Juliet or The Secret Garden)
Library of Congress
Hop On Hop Off bus
Drive In theatre Baltimore
Visit all museums
Safari Park VA
Luray Caverns
Apple Picking or something

I'm sure more will be added so stay tuned. 

Babies, Marriage, and a Cat

"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them."

I'm pretty sure i'm in that stage of life where everyone around you is either getting married or having babies. It's gotten to a point where weekly i'm seeing multiple announcements on my FB timeline. And while it appears that everyone seems to be checking off those points in their lives,well, i'm not. I'm just chillen with my cat. This is not a pity post because I don't feel feel sorry for myself. I've come to realize that i'm a late bloomer in these areas (again not that something is wrong with that). It wasn't until like 2 years ago that I finally realized and accepted that being a wife and mother are a part of my life desires and it wasn't until about 2 years ago that I realized and accepted that there is nothing wrong with having the desire for either. So it wasn't until about 2 years ago that I began dating with a purpose and began positioning myself in all capacities to open myself and my life to someone else. Surprisingly because up until 2 years ago I was pretty certain I would be traveling the world and enjoying great love affairs along the way.

Now....

I want to travel the world with one great love creating memories along the way. Call me a hopeful romantic, but i'm pretty sure it's possible even if it means I just have to wait a little while longer with no babies, marriage and just a cat. When I worked in international development, particularly in some not so sexy places, I was pretty certain that I would NEVER be able to find someone to a) join the journey/be open to the adventure b) be supportive of that type of lifestyle and or be willing to withstand bouts of time a part. And although that little urge inside of me to travel to some of those unsexy locales still appears, i'm more open to compromise haha But even more than just compromise, I have learned that whomever I choose to be with , will have goals and interests aligned to mine and therefore would be understanding of this lifestyle. 

As for dating, well, it can be a time drain and exhausting. I'm probably less intentional about putting myself in places to meet someone and instead have taken the "they will find me when its time" approach. The idea of another bout of online dating makes me want to gag (I won't say it's all horrible...but the chances of finding someone who is truly what they present is very low) and I have never quite been the girl who plans their life/activities around the places where I can potentially meet my future husband. So all I can really do is be patient, hope for the best, but continue my adventure until there is a co-pilot for this ride. 

You only turn 31 once.

Only a couple hours into my birthday and I am feeling the love. You all should know by now that my birthday is my favorite holiday. Besides the selfish reasons why I love this day, I love it for the ability to reflect back on a year of life-examine the lessons and blessings- and figure out what is going to come forward with me into this new year and what is going to be left behind.
My 30th year of life was nothing short of awesome! I can't really pinpoint one particular thing that made it this way, I can just say that it was an accumulation of things coming together at the right time. Now that I can officially say that I am in my 30s (31 to be exact), I look forward to more awesome, more lessons, and more blessings that this new year will bring.

One particular lesson has really resonated with me this past year and I am quite certain that it will be a trend that comes into this new year. As many of you know, I spent the last 9 or so months working towards my yoga teacher certification (woot woot! Passed my written exam). I can't begin to describe how amazing this experience has been, how much I have grown, and how much this will allow me to continue to grow. I can't really go into great detail of my experience because you will be reading for hours and honestly, if you haven't been through it, I don't think you will fully comprehend the level of commitment, the amount of taking a part and putting back together you do, and the physical, emotional, and mental challenges and triumphs you experience. My training was THOROUGH and although I still feel very much a student, I can confidently say I have a strong foundation to move forward from.

In yoga, there is an Eight Limbed Path that is the foundation for creating a yoga practice. The eight limbs are: Yama (Universal Mortality), Niyama (Personal Observances), Asanas (Body Postures), Pranayama (Breathing Exercises), Pratyhara (Sensory Control), Dharana (Concentration), Dhyana (Meditation), Samadhi (liberation or union with the divine). The Yamas and Niyamas, can be seen as an ethical guide to living life, are further broken down into 5 principles each (homework-look them up yourself..LOL). One of these principles- Asteya or non-stealing- is the one that I have really focused on and made an effort to be mindful of (not stating that it is more important, just more aligned with the lesson I need to learn at this time).

So back to Asteya...When we think of stealing, we think of taking a physical object that belongs to someone else without their consent. As explained to me by my trainer, mentor, and friend (check her out-danasmithcoaching.com) stealing can occur with our time. Whether we take time away from ourselves (think about procrastination), or take time from others (think about being late, committing to something and canceling last minute, etc) or we allow others to take time from us; when we allow any of these to occur, we are not practicing asteya thus impacting the rest of our yoga practice (and just to clarify- yoga is not just stretching). So in learning this, I became more mindful of not stealing time from myself or from others and not allowing others to steal time from me. Now this can be a bit tricky seeing as we can't control everything, you're right, we can't. But we can control our actions and our thoughts and by doing so we are able to remain as true to ourselves as possible. This whole concept has made me shift my view of relationships (personal, romantic, professional) and how I allow people to occupy my mental, emotional, and physical space. It has also allowed me to become mindful of how I want to spend my time. At this point, if the desire is not there, I don't do it. As a result, I have shifted relationships with others to ensure that I am able to apply this principle. And let me be honest, although it is difficult restructuring the way you interact with others ( sometimes those you have known a long while), you'll be much happier living life on your accord rather than someone elses. I no longer feel obligated to spend time with anyone that I feel "steals" from me, and I no longer feel obligated to do things that that I do not desire doing.

So as I enter into a new year, I look forward to all the moments that will bring me joy, all the challenges that will bring me growth, and all the people that will enhance my life with their presence and love. Year 31- I am ready for you!

Thanks for everything 2015!

Well folks we made it. We're in the final hours of 2015 and if you have read previous posts, my 2nd favorite holiday is upon us (my first being my birthday). I have completely dropped the ball on writing and now i'm sitting here just a few short hours before I'm scheduled to head out for my evening activities, trying to get my last thoughts of 2015 out before the new year begins. I struggled a bit trying to figure out just what I should write about and how to truly capture my thoughts towards 2015. I'm still not sure what will come out of this freestyle but alas, it really doesn't matter because like everything else, it will be left behind in 2015. Well... not exactly everything as there are some lessons that this past year has shared that I know will continue into the new year.

2015 was definitely my year. In more ways than one and although things did not always go as planned, they went as they were supposed to and as a result I have become a better person. When I look back at 2015, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. From turning 30 and being surrounded by a group of people who love and support me; to taking a 2 week solo trip through the middle east; to being honored by one of my favorite organizations with an award for doing work I enjoy; to embarking on a complete lifestyle change through yoga; to opening myself to giving and receiving love; to allowing myself to prioritize my happiness; to getting outside of my comfort zone and challenging myself to choose happiness over everything else; to honoring my worth and not settling for less than I deserve; to accepting life as it unfolds; to not worrying over things out of my control; to gaining control over the way I think; to recognizing my purpose and walking in it; to trusting myself and my judgment; to releasing the things/people who are not intended to continue walking with me on my journey; to nurturing relationships with those that are; to appreciating the gift of life and the beauty that is seen everyday; to not getting caught up in the craziness; to remaining true to me when it may have been difficult; to being still and enjoying that stillness; to being in the moment and appreciating it...I can go on but I won't. I have truly been blessed this year.

As I begin the transition into 2016, I have reflected on what I desire for the new year. I am not setting any resolutions because as I have learned to release control, I know that however I intend for this new year to go it will. Moving into the new year I affirm and I set the intention of acceptance. I will accept myself and I will accept others, even when feelings may desire otherwise. I affirm and set the intention of protection. As I continue to walk on my path may I be protected from all things and people that are not aligned with me serving my higher purpose. I affirm and set the intention of guidance. May I continue to be guided through life in a way that allows me to be purposeful, kind, compassionate, and loving. I affirm and set the intention of health. May I continue to prioritize my physical, emotional, and spiritual health. I affirm and set the intention of joy. May I continue to find joy through pain, joy in moments when it may appear there is none, joy in the struggle, and joy in the success. Lastly, I affirm and set the intention of love. May I continue to open my heart to giving and receiving love and may I be example to others of how to do the same.

With that being said, thanks 2015 for the wonderful memories, the blessings, and the lessons.

Come on 2016, i'm ready for you!