A friend asked me what lessons did I learn while in S.Sudan. At the time I pieced together an answer of what I believed was the greatest lessons learned. As I thought about it more and more, I was taken back through all the previous lessons learned. So now that I'm reflecting on them, I decided to revisit and add the new lessons that I have learned.
(From my Malawi blog..)
1. Patience...really is a virtue.I don't know how many times my patience has been practiced, how many times I had to remind myself that if I just wait a little bit longer it will all work out. It seems like this is a re-occurring theme in my Peace Corps experience, starting from the 2 years it took me to get to Malawi. I have to have patience with my neighbor kids who show up at my door at 6am asking for candy knowing if they came back at noon I would be more than happy to share. I have to have patience when it comes to travelling back to site, it takes 9-12 hours to get there on less than desirable transport sometimes. I have to practice patience when it comes to my future. Grant it, tomorrow is not guaranteed, everything happens for a reason and happens when its suppose to happen. Forcing something to be will just make it be the way you don't want it. I'm definitely the type of person that curiosity gets the best of and that curiosity can lead to moments where my patience is lacking, but I know that when I'm patient I always get what I want. (See consider the source when dealing with people and patience)
I feel that a lot of life is waiting. You wait for the bus, friends, an opportunity or your life partner. Just because you're waiting for something to happen doesn't mean you have to stop living. Make the most of the "down time" and know that when something is supposed to happen it will.
2. Smile...it will come back to you...There have been moments of sadness, irritation, anger, confusion but when those moments happen I always try to find something to smile about and when I do it seems that smile makes it way back to me in some form of kindness that has changed whatever negative to a positive.
3. Always consider the source and never forget that we are all DIFFERENT...Sometimes people say things or do things that may make a person reconsider how they feel about themselves. When this happens it tends to be from a person who is not in their right mind or doesn't know you. I have gotten better by not letting the comments of people who don't really know me change how I see myself. People come from all over, and the more I move through this life and move all over, I'm reminded that people come from all different walks of life, have different experiences and just how my experiences have shaped my perspective of the world and the people in it, theirs have as well. My eyes are attached to nerves that are attached to my brain, therefore I understand the world how I see it. No one else can share in my perspective of the world, so I can either waste time wondering why or except that we are all different and keep it moving.
4. A friend maybe waiting behind the face of a stranger...I have been blessed throughout my time to find a good group of friends that provide me with the love and support needed to do what I do. These same friends come from all different places and have lifestyles totally different from my own. Some of these friends have been in my life since I was a small child, some have been picked up along the way. If I didn't allow myself to be open enough to let new people in then I would have missed out on some pretty awesome people and some awesome friendships. I've had a plethora of jobs that have taken me through different groups of people, these different groups of people have allowed me to relate to most people I come across because I probably have a friend just like them :) Don't get stuck thinking you have to only be friends with people like you or in your age group. I have 5 year old friends and 50 year old friends who all help me understand this world, bring me laughter and happiness, support and love. Doesn't get any better than that.
5. Know when to say hello and when to say goodbye...I believe that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Many have heard my reasoning behind this but its true. As we are constantly changing, we should not expect that our friends won't change as well. As we take on a new interests we are going to find people that share in those interests. Just because what we use to have is no longer, it does not mean we are not friends. In my book once a friend always a friend, we just may be friends in different places and that's ok.
6. No sense in crying over something that can't be changed...Some decisions and things are set in stone, if you have no power to change it, leave it alone.
7. Always go with your gut feeling...If something don't feel right, don't do it. You have instinct for a reason.
8. Don't be afraid to go after what you want...and wait patiently for it to come.If I want something I'm going to go after it until I get it or until all possible ways for getting it are exhausted. Call me spoiled or stubborn or whatever else, but if its something that I know will bring me happiness then I don't mind working hard for it and or waiting some to get it.
9. Don't take the backseat in your life...Do what you want to make your life yours.I've adopted the attitude that you can either come along for the ride of get out. If you decide to stay then put a seat belt on and hold on!
10. Treat others as you want to be treated...Just about every job I had in h.s and college was behind a counter. I have served buffalo wings, smoothies, towels, bagels and sandwiches, these jobs have all taught me to be humble and to see all as my equal regardless of what side of the counter I was on. It use to piss me off when I was at Vanderbilt and working at Panera and customers would come in assuming that because I was on the other side of the counter I had to be somewhat less intelligent then them. It made me realize that you never know exactly who is on the other side of the counter(figuratively and literally) and shouldn't make assumptions about anyone or their abilities. Let them prove otherwise, but until they do treat them as you want them to treat you. I may be in a developing country but my Malawian counterparts are just as capable as I am, maybe even more so given this is their home turf. I refuse to speak "special English" or dumb down my language. It may require more of an explanation for some to understand, but I am a teacher aren't I? Who am I to deny any person the ability to learn something new, if that be the case then I should have been denied as well. We all have our own capabilities, they may be different but they are still equal.
(Post-Malawi)
11.Think highly of yourself and do not let people tell you any different. I take pride in the person that I am and believe that I am a pretty good person. Sometimes people can't accept it and that's their problem to deal with.
12. Don't force a square peg into a circle. If something is not working, don't dwell on it. Life is too short to get caught up in something that may never fit together perfectly (or as perfect as you want it)
13. Don't be afraid to be passionate about something or someone. I don't believe in half-assing anything that I do. When it comes to love I give my all, if it is not accepted or the person who it is directed towards is not in a place to receive or does not want to accept it, that's ok. I'm going to do what comes naturally to me.
14. Don't be afraid to be honest with people about how you feel and don't be afraid of the feelings you have. We tend to lie to ourselves and by lying to ourselves we end up lying to others. Be honest with yourself first and foremost and don't worry if someone doesn't agree with the decisions that come from that honesty.
15. Don't be ashamed that your own happiness is your priority.
16. Question everything and don't accept that all information that is given to be the end all be all. ..or the truth
17. Know when to let go and when to fight for what is yours.
18. Find peace within before seeking it elsewhere.
19. Be grateful for all that you have, regardless of how much. After my time in S.Sudan, this is probably the greatest lesson that I have learned. I spent my first 8 weeks eating nothing but beans and rice and rice and beans. I was confined for the most part to a compound and was only allowed freedom with restrictions. I walked into the Safeway and found myself appreciating the fact that there are now several types of fruits and vegetables at my finger tips. So many options, so many choices, and because of those options and choices I will never be able to take for granted what I have and will always appreciate it.
20. Make the most of everyday...don't just say you're living life to the fullest, do it! There is no way of knowing just "living life to the fullest" quite is. How do you measure that you are living it to the fullest? You have to figure it out for yourself, but for me, I want to be able to look at each day not regretting not having done something. I want to look back on each day knowing that I have done all I could to put into practice the above lessons learned, I want to look back knowing that I created the life and world that I want to live in. My motto really has become the cliche "Carpe Diem" and it's comforting knowing that I have reached the point where i'm doing just that.
