June 8, 2015
Dear Societal Standards,
Dear Societal Standards,
I am writing to inform you that I have failed you. Today marked a huge milestone, my 30th birthday. And although I was really, really, really looking forward to this particular birthday, I realized that I did not hold up my end of the bargain in meeting all of the things you expected me to meet by this time. I do not have a husband or any prospect on the horizon. I do not have any children unless you want to count my 2 cats, 25 students, and 4 mentees. I do not work in a career field that has me swimming in dollars and let's be honest, since you don't really value it, it may never allow me to do that. I do not own a home or vacation in the islands yearly. I am not free of debt and since I took on a ridiculous amount in student loans to get an education that should have afforded me the above standards set by you, I have to accept the fact that Uncle Sam will have his hands in my pockets until...well...who knows. I'm sure you are disappointed and are probably thinking it's all my fault and I could have done better. Maybe I could have, but then again you never really compromised to meet my needs.
The real reason why I am writing this is not to tell you about how I horribly failed at meeting your standards but to let you know that our relationship, which was never really a relationship since you were more invested in yourself rather than me, is over. I can't really say it's been a great ride because it never was really all that enjoyable in the way that a rollercoaster can be. And I don't think I will really miss you much but I think it's best that way. I do know I can be grateful for all that you shown me and all that you allowed me to learn. By understanding that your standards do not align with my expectations I have been given more insight in how to accept others. You see, when I look around there is no one really quite like me. Not to say that I am better or worse, just myself. And in knowing that I am just myself, I can accept others as being just their selves because let's face it, there is no real standard to meet and by believing this we create a space for people to just be themselves. Maybe it's hard to follow that, but in my 30 years I have come to realize that the only thing I can be is me and the only thing I can do is accept you as you. No more, no less. In addition to learning about acceptance through you, I have been able to realize that there is no real timeline for this thing called life. Tomorrow is for sure not guaranteed ( ask someone who has lost someone if they knew that person was going to leave this earth, I bet you they would tell you that they did not know down to the second when their loved one would perish) and because it's not, we have to make the most of the day, the moment, the second. Now if you're like me, how in the hell do you do that? I don't really know. I just have to remind myself where I am, is what I am doing aligned with my core values? am I doing what I can in this moment to prepare for the next moment? How will my actions impact my life in 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, 5 years from now? In knowing that there is no real timeline, I quit comparing myself to my peers or where I thought you thought I should be. You see, if I followed your timeline I would have missed out on some of the most awesome, most challenging, most growth filled experiences of my life. Looking back I probably could have taken a more stable path, but then again, these memories I have sometimes get me through those boring meetings that I occasionally have to sit through. Oh, how could I forget? You also taught me that this world, with all its crazy, has some really genuine people who ultimately want to be happy and to get the most out of life. I think some may be caught up in your standards but when folks break free, they treat others more kind, they treat themselves more kind, and above all they allow themselves to live the life they choose to live opposed to the one you want them to live.
So with all this said, I bid you farewell standards. While you are out torturing some unsuspecting soul, i'll be enjoying an occasional beer or glass of wine, a reeses peanut butter cup ( and I may not stop at one), endless walks in solitude, picnics in the park, personal date nights, laughter with friends, snuggles with my kitties, stupid reality tv, bootcamp classes, bike rides, and yoga...and my favorite food- ice cream. Because let's face it, life it meant to be lived the way you want, not how someone expects you to.
Cheers to 30!
The real reason why I am writing this is not to tell you about how I horribly failed at meeting your standards but to let you know that our relationship, which was never really a relationship since you were more invested in yourself rather than me, is over. I can't really say it's been a great ride because it never was really all that enjoyable in the way that a rollercoaster can be. And I don't think I will really miss you much but I think it's best that way. I do know I can be grateful for all that you shown me and all that you allowed me to learn. By understanding that your standards do not align with my expectations I have been given more insight in how to accept others. You see, when I look around there is no one really quite like me. Not to say that I am better or worse, just myself. And in knowing that I am just myself, I can accept others as being just their selves because let's face it, there is no real standard to meet and by believing this we create a space for people to just be themselves. Maybe it's hard to follow that, but in my 30 years I have come to realize that the only thing I can be is me and the only thing I can do is accept you as you. No more, no less. In addition to learning about acceptance through you, I have been able to realize that there is no real timeline for this thing called life. Tomorrow is for sure not guaranteed ( ask someone who has lost someone if they knew that person was going to leave this earth, I bet you they would tell you that they did not know down to the second when their loved one would perish) and because it's not, we have to make the most of the day, the moment, the second. Now if you're like me, how in the hell do you do that? I don't really know. I just have to remind myself where I am, is what I am doing aligned with my core values? am I doing what I can in this moment to prepare for the next moment? How will my actions impact my life in 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, 5 years from now? In knowing that there is no real timeline, I quit comparing myself to my peers or where I thought you thought I should be. You see, if I followed your timeline I would have missed out on some of the most awesome, most challenging, most growth filled experiences of my life. Looking back I probably could have taken a more stable path, but then again, these memories I have sometimes get me through those boring meetings that I occasionally have to sit through. Oh, how could I forget? You also taught me that this world, with all its crazy, has some really genuine people who ultimately want to be happy and to get the most out of life. I think some may be caught up in your standards but when folks break free, they treat others more kind, they treat themselves more kind, and above all they allow themselves to live the life they choose to live opposed to the one you want them to live.
So with all this said, I bid you farewell standards. While you are out torturing some unsuspecting soul, i'll be enjoying an occasional beer or glass of wine, a reeses peanut butter cup ( and I may not stop at one), endless walks in solitude, picnics in the park, personal date nights, laughter with friends, snuggles with my kitties, stupid reality tv, bootcamp classes, bike rides, and yoga...and my favorite food- ice cream. Because let's face it, life it meant to be lived the way you want, not how someone expects you to.
Cheers to 30!
