#trusttheprocess

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new"

October has always been a tough month and I always seem to find myself in a state of transition during this time (i'm sure the weather change contributes). I have never been a fan of transitions, that in between period of uncertainty, where things just seem to be completely out of your control. My anxiety takes over and my thoughts start ping ponging all over the place. After the summer bliss, it's like October hits and all of sudden I put pressure on myself to figure out my life's direction knowing that life is quite unpredictable.

So here we are. October has practically come and gone and I can say I have survived. I not only survived but things weren't all that bad and i'm walking away from this month with some great memories, a reset on personal goals, and more clarity on the direction I'm headed (while remaining open to whatever comes).
-------------------------------------Part I of the October Chronicles-Work

At the beginning of the school year, I wrote this quote on the board that faces my desk. I needed a reminder so I wouldn't get hungup on what HAS happened but focus on what IS happening. After a couple of weeks of school being in session, I added the statement "Trust the process" to my board as a reminder. A reminder that things need to happen in order to get our 'new'. This year has not been without it challenges school-wise. I love my students. Hands down they are my motivation on some of the challening days and they are my inspiration on others. Their resilience and strength is something to write a book about, my students, the forgotten ones, bring me hope daily. Which is why initially I was torn when it came to the idea of seeking employment elsewhere. Not because I don't love my students, but because I am aware of my value, I am aware of my worth, and I am working in a system that doesn't want me to be aware of either. To take the high road, I won't go into the details of the situations and people that motivated me to make the decision to leave, I just knew, that if I wanted to continue serving young people, continue creating opportunities for them to recognize their worth, see their value, and grow into their greatness, I would not be able to do it in my current role. So once the decision was made to look for a new job, I selectively looked for positions that would a) allow me to continue working directly with young people b) allow me the opportunity to design (program/curriculum design) c) offer me a new experience d) compensate me fairly for what I bring to the table e) will be a stepping stone to my overall personal and professional goals (yeah a lot of letters..haha). I applied to 6 positions, offered interviews with 5, and chose 1. And as I begin the transition into this new role, having no real idea what to expect, I remind myself that I have to trust this process. I have to trust that following my intuition will lead me in the right direction but also trusting myself enough to know that whatever may be thrown at me, I can handle it.

------------------------------------Part II of the October Chronicles-Life

I don't know if it's just me, but these days seem to have flown by. Trying to balance work stuff with life stuff has been a bit tricky. Work had been draining my energy and I had little desire to do much of anything. Although I would have preferred to come home from work everyday, cozy up on the couch and read or watch some TV, I had to be mindful of my committments. I told myself this year I would not take on any new commitments to ensure that I have a proper balance and even though October felt overwhelming at times, I made it through. I have gotten better at letting go thoughts and people that interfer with me operating at my highest level and I have gotten better enjoying those moments I get alone. Life, full of surprises, ultimately is going really well. Teaching (yoga) is going well and my students always give me life with their positivity. My mother baby program is off to a good start despite the challenges some of my young ladies are facing. I love having sessions with them because I get to hold some of the cutest babies in the world! I look forward to seeing them develop over the year. I wake up grateful for all that is and genuinely look forward to all that will be. Even if what will be may not be exactly how I thought it would be.

-----------------------------------Part III of the October Chronicles-Love

Surprise! I'm engaged. Hahaha SIKE! I do not have some surprise love story to share. I feel like my love life is moving along and I have come to just accept that it is what it is. Thanks to Facebook and the million articles they have...How to love an old soul, how to know he's the one, how to love an extrovert, yada yada yada you get it, I come to realize that it comes down to compatibility and timing. I haven't actively been seeking out dating prospects, partially because of interest in one particular, partially because after my last stint on Match, I told myself that I would just let it be. I have no interest in casually dating or dating just to say I have a date and I have no interest in random hook ups, so given this i'm pretty much sitting like a lame duck patiently hoping someone catches my attention for longer than 5 minutes. I'm quirky, I'm sometimes corny, I'm a free spirit, and I know that west coast living is part of my destiny and that eventually I will expand my wings internationally again. Now, taken all that into account, finding someone open to all of that has been..eh...yeah i'm still single (haha). BUT as my hope was dwindling, it was restored.

When I signed up with Match this past summer, I was hopeful. I have seen some success and some major failures and figured that if folks are paying they are going to be upfront and honest. Yeah.. not always the case. After conversing with a few and going on a couple dates and those being somewhat horrific, I told myself to just ride out the time left on my paid subscription and see what comes through the inbox. Luckily enough, one came through the inbox and was actually worth exploring. There were a lot of commonalities and shared interests but he was currently overseas. Awesome, i'm about that life-+10 points. The email exchanges were consistent and they flowed easily. The interaction was becoming a part of my daily routine. In one communication it was shared that instead of staying in DC once his tour was up he would be going back overseas on another tour. Damn, so much for this one. Me being me was a little disappointed but conitnued communicating because at this point I have nothing to lose. After about 2 months of written communication we finally were able to connect in person. Of course I had some nerves but I also went into it with a YOLO be open mentality. Like be REAL OPEN given the circumstances. So with my nothing to lose, open to the experience, and live for the story mentality I met this man. The funny thing is, it's only been about 2 months of actual knowing or meeting in person but feels like longer. Given the circumstances our time was not as plentiful as I wished, but it was more than I had expected. He's pretty awesome...ok not pretty but is awesome and i'm grateful for the time together (including an amazing trip to Belize!) I have no idea what the future entails and I have no idea where our paths will be leading us, but I do know that when I listen to my intuition I hear/see/feel that this story is not over yet. Even outside of the whole romantic thing, i'm pretty confident that we will remain friends. I just have to continue trusting this process and continue believing that the person intended for me is out here, I just may have to wait a little longer for him.

I did decide though, after going full throttle on the dating thing for most of this year that I'm going to take a step back and focus on transitioning into my new job, re-establishing my healthy living practices, and working towards the goals I have set.

So October, even though you did have your challenges, you did not defeat me. Thanks for everything but it's time to move on, let go, and trust the process.

The soundtrack to my life

There are certain songs that just resonate with your soul. These songs describe an event, experience, lesson learned, relationships, you name it this song or these songs speak to you. I love music. Literally spend about 80% of my day listening to music and the other times, i'm usually in a meeting or sleeping. Something about music just soothes me to no end. I can listen for hours lost or found in my thoughts just enjoying, just being.

Sometimes I wonder, if I had a soundtrack to my life what songs would make the cut? When there are hundreds of thousands of songs that you have connected with, how do you narrow it down to just 10 or 12? I'm pretty sure I would have to have a box collection but if I had to narrow my soundtrack down to 10 or 12 what would those be? I decided to challenge myself to determine to come up with the list and below is what I came up with. These songs are in no particular order...

1. One Republic- I Lived

2. Van Morrison- Brown Eyed Girl

3. India Arie- Video

4. Alanis Morrisette- Ironic

5. Anita Baker- Giving You the Best that I got

6. Carole King- Natural Woman 

7. Lupe Fiasco- The Show Goes On

8. Talib Kweli/Jean Grae- Black Girl Pain

9. DeBarge- I Like It

10. Hall and Oates- Sara Smile

11. Fleetwood Mac- Landslide

12. Maxwell- Pretty Wings

Bonus Track: Tracy Chapman-Talkin About a Revolution 

Who's going to burn me a cd?!

"What do you do?"

When I first moved to DC, I would inwardly gag when someone began a conversation asking about my occupation. I'm not going to go down the rabbit hole of why that is rude and i'll save the lecture on why a person's worth has nothing to do with their job title. What I will say is that what I do can't be summed up in a title. As I begin to consider next steps, I go back and forth about getting out of direct services or staying in. Not that I don't love serving others but I think I may be ready for a new challenge, i'm just not sure what this new challenge is yet. In the meantime, I'm at peace that I am where I am.

As someone that has explored different occupations, i'm pretty sure folks are not exactly aware of what it is I do. One moment I'm working with the homeless and the next moment i'm in a some remote place on the otherside of the world. Sometimes I wonder myself just what i'm doing. On the outside it may not make sense, but to me it does. So back to the question: what do you do?

Since I have transitioned into working with young people, I have realized more and more my title doesn't matter because I do whatever needs to get done. In my current role I manage/coordinate/plan (whatever) post-secondary activities for young adults (so essentially think of life skills development, workforce development, college/career planning, etc.. All the things you wished you had learned earlier). I sum it up as a youth life coach, a voice of reason, a resource, a guide to assisting young people navigate systems they may not understand. In any given day I can deal with a plethora of issues. From counseling a student dealing with family stuff to guiding a group through work opportunities, to coordinating with outside partners, to being a cheerleader, surrogate mother, problem solver, therapist, listener, giver of hugs, voice of reason, and the list goes on. There is no such thing as a "normal" day (yesterday I had 2 students argue over a saugage muffin...really?) Some days are more exhausting than others and some days almost make me feel defeated. When you hear stories day in and day out, it can get easy to get jaded or become emotionaless to the struggle. You hear story after story and it can numb you from having any sort of reaction. I never want to get to that point where I have no reaction, no emotion to the struggles that my students deal with daily...and trust me, their struggles are real. As exhausting as it can be, as sad as some moments are, I absolutely love what I do. I'll continue to do some soul searching to figure out the what next but for now, i'm going to continue serving, mentoring, guiding, loving, mothering, supporting my young people.

So in the end, when asked what I do? I can confidently respond with " I do what I love".