Counting down.

Time is ticking and the countdown has begun.

In 29 days, I am scheduled to be on a flight back to the states. At first, I was strongly considering extending my time here....like really considering. After a lot of prayer, a lot of weighing of options and a whole lot of thinking, i've decided that I need to come home. There are several things that weighed in on my decision. If I extended, it would only be 3 months and the type of work/impact I would like to have would require a longer commitment. I think the thing that was a reoccurring thought was the fact that I put my life in the states on pause to come here and we all know eventually when you pause to long, you have to start over. I have slowly began establishing myself and getting settled in DC, I haven't even explored what all the city has to offer. If I were to extend I know at the end of that 3 months I would have the same feelings I have now, that I haven't had that much of an impact, haven't contributed fully and to my best abilities and that there is still more to accomplish. There will always be more here...at least for a long while. If it is in the cards for me to come back to South Sudan, then i'll make it back. But for now, I am shifting my thoughts to returning to the states and resuming life there. In 10 days I will be on a plane to Nairobi. I can not believe that my time here is almost up and i'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that I have been in South Sudan almost 3 months and I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea that in a month I will be back in DC beginning the next chapter of the Life and Times of Courtney C.Wright...

Yesterday I traveled back to Kuajok for the last time. Lucky for us, there was a group here from Korea who chartered a plane meaning we did not have to fly via Wau and take the 1.5hour trip to Kuajok on one of the worse roads in the world. We instead flew in a 10 seater plane (I was right behind the pilot!) and landed right in Kuajok. I was warmly received by my colleagues here and felt a bit sad that we will have only a few days together before I leave. I can say that for the most part I have gotten to know and work with some of the most amazing people I have met in my life. I have learned more from them and my interactions with them, then I have learned in my role. I think that is the hardest part about this type of work, everyone is from somewhere else, and because of this you never know when your paths will cross again. You truly have to make the most of the times shared because there is no guarantee that there will be another time. So, i'm going to take advantage of the time I have left here and that will probably result in this being the last email during my time here.

So what next? Really, not much. Wish I could say I had some big exciting plans after this experience, but I don't. I decided that I will backpack to Malawi via Dar es Salaam and take in some of the Africa countryside before departing this beautiful continent.  I'll begin classes at the end of August, going full-time to ensure a May graduation. If all goes as planned, I will be back at my job at the shelter working part-time, leaving me with quite a bit or enough time on my hands to do something. I have no real plans about what to do with this time and if you know me, you know i'm a planner and for the first time, I have no real plan and I'm ok with that.  I know I will be doing some volunteer work (something that has been missing in my life) and really trying to figure out just what it is that i'm supposed to do with my life.

What about South Sudan?
I am steadfast in the belief that the people here will survive and thrive despite the turbulent past. It is not going to be an easy road ahead, but there has been progress in the right direction. I haven't given up hope on South Sudan and I have faith that things will turn for the better. Things along the border still remain unstable and there is no telling when the end of war will truly come for the people here. I will be forever grateful for this opportunity and for the people who have made this a great experience for me.

I have learned a lot about this field of work and myself during this time. I know that I don't feel fulfilled without being connected to those i'm serving, that working within a large organization where people are known as a number and not a name is not for me, and that I really don't know exactly where it is that I am headed. I was able to confirm that being education is the right place for me and that I want to work both in the states and internationally (now I just need to figure out a way to bring both together). I also know that I have the best friends and family in the world and I will be forever grateful for the kind words and support that was given to me during this time. I don't believe what i'm doing is extraordinary or deserves recognition and praise, I do what I do because I love doing it and I have been blessed with a support network that encourages me to do it and to continue doing it. Thank you.


Stick a fork in me, i'm done! (well almost).

Finding my place

Lately I have found myself really reflecting on where I belong. I don't think that question will ever be answered completely but I know that every experience will lead me closer to that place. That place. Where is that place i'm supposed to be? it's confusing as I try to balance to worlds, my life in the states and my life outside the states. I want both but know that I can't physically be in two places at one time.

My experience in South Sudan has revealed to me quite a bit about what it is that I want and where it is I want to be. I can not see myself not being connected to Africa, to the world, but I also can not see myself giving up my life in the states either. I also know that working within a large organization is probably not the best fit for me. Although being a part of a large organization has taught me a great deal, it has shown and discouraged me a great deal as well. I feel disheartened by this experience, not because it was bad, but because what was revealed to me about the nature of this work may not always be what we think it is and not everyone has the best intentions or are serving for the right reasons.

My passionate is working with people. I like feeling connected, I like hearing stories, I like know that the ones i'm serving are not just numbers. I like the emotions that are shared, I like the bonds that are made and the memories created.

My time here is wrapping up, in less than two weeks I will be on a plane to Nairobi to begin my vacation before classes begin. I've decided that this semester I will take a break and not overdo the working. I will go back to my job at the shelter part-time and will continue with school full-time. I do plan on doing a lot of volunteering and getting back to that place I know I am supposed to be. With the people.

Whether in DC or elsewhere. My place is with the people.

Capitalization off suffering.

I think my biggest issue with humanitarian aid is the dependency it creates. I'm sure folks who read this may disagree and that's ok, it's their opinion and I have mine and since this is my blog I can share my opinion freely. Lately I have been really critical of humanitarian aid that has no end. Every organization and every government should have at least some plan when they say their work is finished and it up to the individuals in that country or area to take over. I was talking to one of my closest friends here about it the other night. I, as an American, should not be coming into a country and telling the people how they should live their lives. I think the role of humanitarian aid should be informative and providing resources when they are not available and only after all ways of utilizing resources in the community are exhausted. I should not tell people that the ways in which I live, the culture which I am a part of, should be theirs.

I get tired of seeing western ex-pats capitalizing off the suffering of people. Yes, I said it and yes it's true. I have my philosophy toward development, it may not be the best philosophy but it works for me. In any position I have, whether stateside or abroad, it is my goal to ensure that those i'm working for, on behalf of, are given the skills, knowledge and access to resources or knowledge of where to get those resources so that they don't have to depend on me to do it. I would like to work myself out of a job. I have seen project after project haphazardly thrown together, to ensure that the expat workers have jobs, when instead a comprehensive program can be carried out that addresses all the issues that are present and makes the way forward, without the dependency, much easier. For example, the building of health clinics. I have a hard time understanding why health clinics are built but there is no water point nearby or adequate amount of latrines/toilets for use. Now if there are not adequate hygiene facilities, how to do you ensure that people are not picking up or sharing germs. In the states do our health centers not have access to a clean water source? No! So why is it ok for us to build health centers in countries where the need for is more evident.

Or what about schools. We build schools. We want kids to learn in these schools. We think they should be in these schools, but we don't build completed or adequate schools. We build a school but don't provide furnishing, so even if a student has a nice school building, it is not a comfortable learning environment. Schools with tin roofs, yes they're nice, but if the school was built correctly, when it rains there would be a barrier that keeps the loud rain noise out. Have you ever heard rain on tin? It's loud. When I would teach in Malawi, because I just had tin, it would be too loud for my students to hear me and so even though the students and teacher are present, learning does not take place because it's simply too loud. Now don't get me started on toilets and water...

Whatever happened to integrity? I believe that I would not do something for you or would not treat something differently then I would treat it if it were my own.

Ok. I can continue on this rant, but i'm going to step off my soapbox.

Coming home.

Not today. Not tomorrow. Not next week.

In 35 days, I am scheduled to be on a flight back to the states. At first, I was strongly considering extending my time here....like really considering. After a lot of prayer, a lot of weighing of options and a whole lot of thinking, i've decided that I need to come home. There are several things that weighed in on my decision. If I extended, it would only be 3 months and the type of work/impact I would like to have would require a longer committment. I think the thing that was a reoccuring thought was the fact that I put my life in the states on pause to come here and we all know eventually when you pause to long, you have to start over. I have slowly began establishing myself and getting settled in DC, I haven't even explored what all the city has to offer. If I were to extend I know at the end of that 3 months I would have the same feelings I have now, that I haven't had that much of an impact, haven't contributed fully and to my best abilities and that there is still more to accomplish. There will always be more here...atleast for a long while. If it is in the cards for me to come back to South Sudan, then i'll make it back.

I have family, friends, an awesome home to live in, awesome housemates, my mom, friendships that are forming, not to mention a whole year of grad school to finish and those seems to take precedent over anything that could keep me here. I love being here and have enjoyed my time immensely, but I need a break from this life for a bit.

See you stateside!

Proud Aunt

(This picture was taken a couple months after my niece Briauna was born...Aug. 2007)

Today I spoke to my beautiful nieces. Dezi is now 7 and Briauna is now 4. Its amazing how quickly time has passed by and how quickly they are growing up. I wish I could shrink them back to when they were little and relive those moments. I have spent quite a good chunk of their lives out of the state or country and everytime I see them or get to talk to them, it makes my heart melt that I can't be there to witness their growth. I have been blessed to have the greatest, funniest, kindest, sweetest, caring, intelligent, precious, beautiful nieces in the world.

Missing Home

Today is the first day I really missed home. I don't know if it's because of everything going on there or the feeling that I'm not doing much here (or maybe I am) but for some reason today my thoughts have been at home.

Welcome to the newly independent South Sudan!

Its official…I’m writing from the newly independent Republic of South Sudan! Being able to witness the liberation of a nation was amazing and one of the best experiences of my life. I arrived in Juba (the capital) a little over a week prior to independence, mostly to meet with some folks in our office and with our partner, partly for security, and a bit for my sanity (8 weeks in the field with no vegetables or fruit can take its toll eventually). Seeing the preparations firsthand, feeling the excitement and the anxiety of how things will turn out was exciting and rejuvenating. There was an increase in security in the capital to ensure nothing happened and that those that are traveling in (diplomats etc.) were secured. Our office put a ban on our movement and curfews were enforced but that was fine seeing as the whole city had a ban on movement for certain road and was enforcing a curfew. Throughout the day people were parading up and down the streets and it wasn’t any different that evening. It reminded me of the Chicago Bulls repeat of the 3-peat. The night before independence, I made my colleagues stay up until midnight in order to celebrate. It was like new years, we toasted to the newly independent republic and enjoyed with the others around.  The next day, some other coworkers and I went to the mausoleum where the independence ceremony was to take place (the raising of the flag and signing of constitution and some speeches). The place was filled with people, from everywhere. People were excited and happy to be able to witness this day and I was happy to be able to join. The ceremony was to begin at 10:20am but didn’t begin until almost 1:30pm (they said they were waiting on a few others to arrive). The energy among the crowd, despite the heat and the lack of water, was good. When the ceremony began and the flag was finally raised, the crowd broke out into a large cheer and continued to cheer for the following 20 or so minutes. We left before the end of the ceremony given the amount of time we have already been there and how hot, thirsty and tired we were. It was amazing to say the least and the way I have described this even doesn’t (I don’t think I can) accurately describe just how amazing it was to be here and to witness this. The environment the remainder of the weekend was quite quiet. I think between staying up all Friday night, celebrating all day and night Saturday people were exhausted. By the time Sunday came all was quiet and only a few people were out on the streets. Although independence is not going to rid this country of it’s problems, it is a good step in the right direction for the people here. There are huge hurdles ahead, especially since the border region is still undecided, but it appears that there will be a lot of support coming from all over the East Africa region and world to ensure that this new nation develops to its highest potential. Like the people of South Sudan, I am hopeful that despite the monumental task ahead, this country and the people here will be able to create an environment and country that is conducive to and supportive of the development of all.

Yesterday I flew to Tambura, Western Equatoria ( located in the southwestern portion of the country near Central African Republic) to conduct some trainings and to do an assessment of the education system here. The flight over was a challenge in itself seeing as I could reach out and touch the pilot. The plane was an 8-seater plus two seats for the pilots. I have never prayed so hard in my life. When we landed I wanted to jump off and kiss the ground. From where we landed in Yambio, it’s a 3 hour beautiful drive to Tambura. It is a whole different world from Kuajok for sure. Its green and cooler, there are more varieties of fruits around and you can see more densely populated areas as opposed to the scarcely populated areas of Kuajok. The living quarters are a bit different. There are rooms with cement walls and an bathroom except the bathroom is not hooked up to water. So I can bucket bath in the shower but still have to use a pit latrine. Since there’s no running water I go to a borehole to get my water. The borehole is about 30 yds from my room and a lot easier to pump. My colleagues were shocked to see that I was able to use the borehole and carry water on my head (a skill I mastered in Malawi). This area has been heavily affected by the conflict in DRC, the LRA (Lords Resistant Army) which is responsible for the unrest in the DRC, sporadically moves into this region, mostly to loot the areas in order to get supplies etc. The government of Sudan (this is prior independence) created a militia(well not a militia per se) called Arrow Boys. Basically, they armed young men in villages along the border to prevent the LRA from attacking and to provide security to their areas. This has helped in the reduction of LRA attacks but now you have folks armed up and down the border. There is not much of a presence of the conflict between the north and south (Sudan) here. In terms of development, this area reminds me of traveling up the lakeshore road in Malawi (except the road here is not paved and there is no lake). There are pockets of development and then areas untouched by outsiders. Areas along the southern region tend to be more developed than the northern area of the South Sudan because during the conflict it was difficult to get further north in the country so a lot of the government and NGO measures were focused along the southern border (so along the border region that is shared between South Sudan, CAR, DRC, Uganda and Kenya). When the government of Sudan (prior to independence) kicked out all aid organizations, most organizations would set up shop in one of the bordering countries and operate from there (driving in to South Sudan to implement). I was told by a colleague that it is secure and nice here and that they don’t worry about security issues as much.

Last Day.

This will be my last blog from Southern Sudan. Tomorrow this region of Sudan will officially become its own country and be known as the Republic of South Sudan. It is quite an exciting time to witness the liberation of a nation after decades and decades of civil war. The environment is calm and people are joyous as they prepare to celebrate their first independence day. Being able to witness this, to experience this, probably doesn't have the impact on me that it would on a south Sudanese individual, but I am excited and happy to be able to share in this experience with them. I'm currently in the capital and having the opportunity to witness the preparations and celebrations from the the world's newest capital city has been an experience I can not really wrap my mind around. It's simply beautiful.

As I have been staying in a hotel here, I have watched as the media crews flood in to capture the story of the people of Southern Sudan. It's been interesting seeing them work feverishly to capture the mood, the essence of this time. I have also been able to witness as those that have left southern Sudan during the civil war come back, to celebrate in solidarity with their people. As I see all the what would be deemed as foreigners to those that have stayed, I find myself categorizing the the people. Those that fought, those that walked and those that stayed. Each group and each individual has its own story, its own reason for making the choice to respond in whatever way they did. Whatever choice they have made, their struggles, although very, very different, are the same. Those that fought put their lives on the line and many were lost because they wanted justice for their people. Very brave individuals and independence tomorrow could not happen without their sacrifice. Those that walked, I use that term loosely, some walked, some flew, above all, they have managed to find a way out of the war. Many would think that those that left are not as entitled in saying this is their nation because they did not stay and experience the struggle. But those individuals that walked experienced their own struggles abroad. They may feel guilty for leaving behind their family, their land, their people, but it is because of these individuals and their testimonies the rest of the world is aware and more educated on the people and the conflict here. Then you have those that stayed. They neither fought nor walked. They waited. Although they experienced the burden of uncertainty, they stayed for whatever reasons may or may not have been in their control and their staying, their suffering, is something that is probably something that could never be understood by those that did not stay or those that fought. They went about their lives, i'm sure hopeful that peace would come and patient enough to wait.

My above categorizations are my thoughts. Folks can disagree with me in regards to the struggle, but I feel that any struggle regardless of the form it is presented in is still a struggle. My struggle, is very different from the next, but that doesn't mean that my struggle is any less significant than the next. Maybe to you it is or to him or to her, but to me its real. Most importantly, when I say struggle, it is quite different from suffering. The suffering of individuals is very different and can come in various levels.  (Just wanted to clear that up)

For all of those that have suffered and struggle for the independence of this nation, thank you.


Let the countdown begin!

Fleeting thoughts...

This marks my 8th week in South Sudan. Phew...glad I made it this far and I begin to look at my schedule for the remainder of my time, I am beginning to feel fearful that by the time that I leave I will not feel fulfilled by what I have done here so far. For some reason today I began entertaining the thought of staying longer, with another organization, to get more experience in my field. I've decided that I would only stay if the RIGHT opportunity presents itself. I have this habit of just picking up and going. Not thinking about what I have started somewhere else, relationships , workwise. I shouldn't even entertain such thoughts seeing as i'm still in school and a delay in returning will only delay in my finishing. I have family and friends that I have neglected for far too long and I have a new city that I need to get to know. AHHHHHHHHHH!!! Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.


I'm not going to worry about it, nor will I spend too much of my time thinking about it. I'm going to do my best to focus on the moment during the moment and make the most of the time I do have here.

Carpe Diem!


I can truly say despite the indecisiveness and all the thoughts that occupy my mind and make me unstable, I'm happy and truly love the life I live. Thankful everyday for the blessings that have been bestowed upon me and thankful for the people whos support and encourage me.

Yep. I'm still here.

I may have alarmed some after my last post, please don't be. Although I'm not naive to the situation here, i'm also not going to walk around paranoid and afraid of anything either. It is what is, I am what I am, and i'm here. 8 weeks down and 5 more to go before I'm off on my east African vacation. The question I seem to get quite a bit is if this is worth it. The nightmares, the inability to sleep, the heat, the rice and beans and beans and rice, the horrible roads, the feelings that i'm not operating at my full capacity or abilities, the fear, the unpredictability of things, missing family, missing a summer in the states, missing friends....yeah despite all that I still believe this experience is worth it. I have learned something about myself, what i'm comfortable with and just how far I can push myself before I take a step back. I don't know if this type environment is the right fit for me per se, but I wouldn't know otherwise if I hadn't came to begin with. Life is unpredictable and I have no idea where I will go from here. All I know is I have a better idea of what I can and cannot handle.

In 8 days Southern Sudan will become the Republic of South Sudan. I am happy and excited to be able to witness the birth of this nation. This has been a wonderful opportunity that I will do my best not to take for granted.