Dream Deferred

Since I was 4 years old, I always talked about being a doctor. At first I thought I would be a pediatrician, then a neonatologist and then realized that I really don't want to do either because I realized that although doctors are valuable, I prefer to interact with people in a different manner. I pretty much abandoned that idea and set out on a different path...education. I never really thought about the fact that I could still be a doctor, just not a medical one, but that was until I found a PhD program that instantly grabbed and held my attention and interest. As I learned more about the program and met with those I needed to meet with to gather more information and to learn about what I need to do to best put me in a position for admission, I knew it was the program for me. I was told that I would need to re-take the GRE to become a stronger applicant, not for admission but for funding. So with 3.5 weeks until the last possible day to take the GRE to ensure score reports are mailed out by the application deadline, I registered and buckled down to prepare myself for the GRE. I studied and studied, from the bus to the park bench I had my GRE study tools in hand. Although the time I had would never be enough to prepare me or for me to feel comfortable, I felt good about where I was at in the time that I had prepared. I walked in the testing room on testing day, a bit nervous but relaxed because at this point I know what I know and could only do the best that I could do with the time I had to prepare. I took the test, walked away not thrilled but not disappointed and began to think about the rest of the application. As I was doing some other work, I received an email from the director of the program informing me that the program I am interested in will not be accepting students this upcoming school year and that I would need to wait to apply next year. Disheartened and saddened, I couldn't shake the frustration that I had that I would have to wait a year to apply to this program after all the studying and stressing I have done to prepare myself to apply this year. It wasn't until I gave myself a reality check and put things in perspective, that I began to see this not as some unfair situation but a blessing in disguise. I was poo pooing about not being able to obtain a 3rd degree when there are people all over the world who do not even have access or resources to obtain a secondary education. Even though that dream has been deferred for this point in time, there are still several other things that I now have the time and mind space to focus on and direct my energy towards.
You may remember me mentioning that I missed volunteering and needing to find an outlet for the additional time I have on my hands. Surprisingly it has been difficult to find outlets for volunteering in DC and I was beginning to get frustrated. Luckily enough I have found two organizations that are not only aligned with my personal approach to development, but ran by some of the most amazing people I have met. The Margaret Mead quote, " Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed it's the only thing that ever has" rings true when I look at the people who run these two orgs. and i'm very much excited that I have the opportunity to work with them on fulfilling their mission. Both orgs are different from eachother but provide me with the best outlet for meeting my different interests. Below you will find some information about the organizations and stay tuned for ways you can get involved and help me support these organizations and the people they serve.
As always, thanks for reading and hope to hear from you soon!
xoxo
Courtney


Access to Success
A fusion of sports, education and faith, Access to Success works with children in Benin City, Nigeria to develop skills to reach their highest potential. A2S is solely ran on the efforts of volunteers and has done some amazing things with the small amount of resources they have. Morgan, a classmate and friend, co-founded the organization and has shared with me (and other interested) what they have been doing and what they are trying to do. It is simply amazing to what can be done when folks not only have a dream shared by others but the will to make that dream reality. Read more at http://www.a2sfoundation.org/

Reason, Season, Lifetime

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown

I have been reflecting quite a bit about relationships I have and had throughout my life. Sometimes it makes me smile to be able to replay a memory in my mind involving a friend, sometimes its makes me sad to think about a friendship that once was and is no more, and sometimes it makes me angry that people entered my world, shook it up and left before I can even decide whether I wanted them to be a part of it or not. Regardless of the status of certain relationships, I know for certain that I am 110% grateful for the friends I have.

The past couple of nights as I traveled home from work or school, I have been thinking a lot about the people whom I cherish. These people I know love me unconditionally and vice versa. My best female friends who know the intricacies of my life, who feel comfortable telling me the truth even if they think the truth may hurt a bit. My female best friends are like no other and being in DC without them, without those bonds have been the most difficult thing about this move. I love them all for who they are, I love them for what they bring and share with this world, and I love them for loving me just the way I am. 

I grew up with brothers so it only makes sense that I have a certain ability to relate/get along with men.  I think of the great male friends I have that provide me with an honest male perspective to help me understand things better. They encourage and support me, they make me feel beautiful on days I have a hard time believing it, they see me for me and respect the woman that I am. I am one of the most blessed/luckiest women in the world to have the great male friends that I do.

Its not often that I get to see these folks seeing as most of them live in others states or countries. But for some reason, they always show up at the time that I need them and saying just what I need to hear. There is a lot of uncertainty when it comes to friendships, but it makes me happy to know that I have a solid group of lifetimers surrounding me.

To all of my friends reading this, I appreciate you for the role you play in my life, whether its only a reason, for a season or around for a lifetime. You mean more to me then I can ever articulate and I will be forever grateful for the love you have given to me.

I truly love my life and the people in it.

The Disintegration of a Generation

What I may have to say in this post may be offensive to some, but if you're easily offended, take everything written as a personal attack, don't have an openmind, and not in the mood to reflect and see if there is any truth behind it, then you should not read this.

Now that that's out of the way. All I can say is what the hell is going on with the people in my generation? I've had several conversations with people lately discussing the disintegration of our society. I look at what we place value on and it saddens me. We overindulge and lose sight of our personal values (that's assuming that we had them to begin with) to create a facade that will allow some sort of validation by our peers. People are going into debt trying to keep up with a lifestyle that we shouldn't expect to be living at this point in our lives or career. Consistently chasing paper to get the shoes, the nails, the hair, the clothes, the car, the whatever to impress others...but when you strip a person of all those things, what do you have left standing there? If we spent more time building our character and community instead of our image, I'm sure we wouldn't passively accept the injustices that occur right in front of our eyes.

I've heard so many of my friends tell me they want to get themselves back to a place of happiness. It was there but amidst all of the hustle and bustle and paper chasing, they lost it. I lost it to. For a long time I wasn't happy with the position that I was in, constantly thinking of what I need to do next to fulfill expectations set by those outside of myself. If I didn't change how I thought, I would still be trying to figure out how to get my happy back. It's not going to fall in your lap one day, you have to be proactive and go after it. I spent 4 years at an institution that cost a pretty penny. When I graduated I accepted a position at a shelter that paid HALF of one years tuition. Given the institution I attended, it is expected that I would be making twice what I made as a minimum. I don't regret it. I loved my job, I enjoyed and looked forward to going to work everyday. I made the money I made work for me. If it wasn't necessary I didn't get it. Simple. I work at a shelter now, I love my job, I have the education, experiences, and skills to make 3 times the amount i'm making but waking up and going to a job I love and not loathe is a must in my book.I'm not saying everyone needs to be frugal, but living inside one's means and knowing the motivation behind certain expenses made need to be evaluated. In addition to doing work that you're passionate about, find time to do other things you are passionate about as well, no one else will make the time for it to happen. I believe in not making excuses, either make it happen or accept that it's not.

Let's talk about instant gratification. Our parents fucked us over on this one. Yeah, it's great to get things that they didn't have or didn't have to work hard for, but there is a purpose and great lesson learned behind the struggles they endured. We want things to come easily. That dream job needs to fall on our laps, the dream house and car magically appear and our lives are all peachy keen. If something doesn't come easily we don't want it and this is most evident in our relationships. Relationships require work, lots of it at times. The minute something gets difficult or becomes "too much" the towel is being thrown in and folks are moving on to the next. I'm not sure what happened in investing in an individual and building something great but I fail to see it.

Washington, DC is a great place to acquire a complex. The first question you're asked is "what do you do?" The way you answer can determine the whole direction of the conversation and can either maintain or end it. But really, if someone is trying to size you up and determine whether or not you can be used as a pawn in their own advancement, is that someone you really want to continue speaking with?

I don't have high hopes for my generation and their contributions (other than facebook) to bettering our society

Anyway, I can continue with my rant but i'm going to step off my soapbox now.

P.S I own a BMW....(Bus, Metro, Walking pass!)