30 Days of Gratitude

This past month I engaged in a Gratitude Chain with my accountability group. Everyday we emailed the group 5 things we are grateful for. They were funny, candid, honest, basic, complicated...they were everything and anything we could express gratitude for in that moment. It was the intention that after the 30 days, those that participated will have a mental shift that allowed them to experience life with a heart of gratitude. As a result, I find myself expressing gratitude throughout the day which has caused a shift in energy. I can't speak for the group but thinking about 5 things daily at times was difficult but it allowed me to look at even the smallest things and find the blessing in it. 
I'm not going to share all 150 things but here are 30 of my favs from the 30 days. 
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1. I'm grateful for my yoga mat for always supporting me, welcoming me back, and allowing me to experience peace. For being a little 2x7 space of heaven and bliss. 
2.  I'm grateful for my body. Rolls, dimples, wrinkles and all. It does amazing things daily.
3. Periods- they remind me of my power as a woman, my femininity, and give me a good excuse to turn upon self-care. 
4. Being single. I know this period will not last forever but i'm grateful to have the time to solely focus on my needs and explore things on my own.
5. My mom. For being her and allowing me to learning acceptance through her. I appreciate her no fucks given attitude and for still sending me eggplant emojis even though I told her what it means and still not giving a fuck because eggplants make her laugh. For letting me grocery shop at her house and for buying me dinner from our fav Greek spot last night.
6. My professor for recognizing my greatness and working to create a space for that greatness to shine and be of service to many others.
7.  My friend Wana...for allowing me to be me, affirming my greatness, being honest and open to hearing my endless stories about life and giving me that male perspective most importantly telling/showing me how I should be treated by man without being my man.
8. My bed. It's comfortable and safe and my little haven away from the outside. Lord knows its a struggle to leave in the morning.
9.  My curls.  For a long time I didn't know how to embrace them and now I wouldn't want to change them. It's parallel to the evolution of my own self love.
10. Vacuums...since college vacuuming has always been a stress relief. I don't need something fancy but having one is essential.
11.  Dating. I used to have a love hate relationship with it,  saw it as a waste of time,  and have positioned myself to not have to do it. But I'm back in a space where I'm excited at the idea of meeting different people, regardless of the outcome, and living for the experience. I'm grateful to see that each experience brings me closer to myself and allows me to learn more about the world. 
12. My sacred relationship with my higher power.  
13. Random conversations with strangers. This weekend was full of them. 
14. Laughter. Not sure if my headache is a result of mojitos and carolina tea or the amount of laughter that occurred last evening. It truly is good for the soul and I love when it's endless. 
15. Time. It's so limited but endless. I just want to live my life to the max even if the max means netflix and chill in bed. I want every experience to be fulfilling even if that means I have to change my perception of what fulfilling is in that moment. 
16.  My workout challenge partner Carolyn (she was my Peace Corps roll dog). We saw a video on FB of a woman who was depressed and overweight who decided to workout everyday for 100 days with the result being shedded pounds and more joy. We decided to the do the same-100 days of working out at the minimum 30 minutes per day. We have gotten creative, we have not missed a day even when we were feeling ick etc. we have made it 40 days today and its becoming my new norm. She lives in Wisconsin so its been cool to be virtual buddies and stay connected to someone who literally was my saving grace during my first several months of service. 
17. The way the universe aligns things to happen at the right time
18. My freedom. I can do whatever I want and not restricted by having to do it with others. I love my independence
19. My Greekness. Everyday I wear my brownness (with honor) but I'm equally proud to be Greek. I legit feel like a unicorn but wouldn't trade it for anything
20. Sunshine on my skin.  I did some yoga on the pier at the park and at the end just laid there soaking up all the sun I could. I love the warmth and feeling,  it's like lititle sun rays are tap dancing on your skin.ahjhhhhhhhhhh come on spring!
21.  Former lovers, forever friends. They bring such a great perspective and are great reminders of lessons learned
22. Taking poops. 
23.  My twin brother...had a random daydream to when i'm a mom and he was there being that cool uncle. We live on opposite sides of the country but I can totally see him posing my child in inappropriate ways and taking pics. I wish he were closer because I genuinely like spending time with him even when he's acting like an ass. So I guess this is the universe telling me to plan a trip to visit! :) 
24. My accountability group and the genuine,  open,  candid conversations.
25. Letting go control and letting God guide me.
26. Self-forgiveness. We fuck up. We say things out of character, do things out of character, think things out of character but being able to admit wrongdoing and apologize first and foremost to self has been empowering. Some people just aren't worth the apology but we (ourselves) always are. 
27. Carmen...my car. She's been in the shop since Monday and I realized over the past couple days how much I appreciate her. She was the first car that I bought that I got to choose what I want. From the color to the amenities, I got her how I wanted her which given my past experiences with cars (hand me downs and/or just getting the first thing I could out of necessity) she is an object that represents the hard work I have put into building credit and financial management. I can look at her and be like "I did that" LOL
28. Donald Trump. I refuse to give this man my power and as I watched the address to congress, I realized how human and how ego driven he is. He has a story that we don't know that has shaped how he is and although I do not necessarily agree with him, I can be grateful for the snakes in the grass he revealed. He has challenged me to be more compassionate, loving, and accepting. He is here, he is the president (sadly), and he is who he is.
29. For new opportunities
30. You 

The art of letting go

Whenever I need a little pick me up, I take myself to my favorite personal date spot-Bus Boys and Poets. I'm not sure what it is about this place but every time I come, solo, it soothes my soul and allows me the space to reflect.

Recently I have been grappling with some situations that have been weighing heavily on me. One dealing with a romantic interest and the other with my career. Obviously, both very big components in my life and both I have a hard time figuring out...haha. It's never easy to realize and the accept the truth of certain circumstances especially when they play out differently then what you have imagined. So as I was driving to my date night it hit me. I have to let go. Something that comes easy to others but not always the case for me. When I invest myself and my time into something, I believe in seeing it through to the end. For some reason I have conditioned myself into believing that letting go was the same as quitting and I'm no quitter. Continuing this inner dialogue and challenging this notion of being a quitter I realized that holding on to things, to ideas, to people past the purpose only prevents you from moving forward. Essentially blocking the blessings that are to come. Holding on to what could have been instead of looking forward to what could be is limiting. As I hit this ah ha moment that its ok to let go, its ok for things to not work out as you imagined because they worked out as they were supposed to, I felt at peace. 

There is an art to this whole letting go thing. When you come to a wall and realize there is no way to get around it, you can either keep trying to jump up hoping that one day you will make it over or you can turn around and try a different direction trusting that the new path will lead you to where you are meant to go. 

I'm ready for this new direction, the new adventures, and experiences. I'm ready to let go. 

I'm with her, her, her, her, her, her her...

My decision to vote for Hillary Clinton was not because she's a woman. I voted for Hillary because out of all the candidates there was no one better qualified than her. Given the amount of time she has spent in and around the White House, her understanding of our political system, foreign affairs, etc. I couldn't think of someone who would be able to approach the job with a better understanding of what it entails. I'm with her because she has the domestic and international experience and cool as a cucumber demeanor to navigate the intricacies of our government and the governments of other nations. I'm with her because she has worked her entire career for this opportunity, sacrificing in ways I will never know. Even though I am with her, I am not against him.

I'm not a huge President Trump fan given the character he has presented. I don't necessarily agree with him on much either. But I can be grateful that he has brought to light some of this country's deep rooted issues forcing people to engage in dialogue around issues that we have bandaged and re-bandaged for so long. I'm equally appreciative of him for bringing to light just how undercutting women can be to one another. We may walk different walks, we may talk different talks, but in the end we all have a shared connection. Now don't get me wrong, I may not always be the most positive or understanding when it comes to decisions made by my sisters but i'm a work in progress. It is my hope and my intention to be more supportive, more understanding, more loving to my sisters no matter their walk in life because I have learned that a win for one is a win for all.

Gratitude

I decided to make a weekly blog post as part of my 2017 and beyond goals. Wish me luck...haha

I was talking to one of my Peace Corps sisters a couple weeks ago about a reunion trip to Malawi. During the conversation, she reminded me of the wonderful bus system- AXA-fast, friendly, reliable, of which I have decided based on my experience, it could only be one of those at a time. We had took an AXA bus from our lakeshore homes to the southern region of the country-Blantyre- to celebrate my 24th birthday. While on this overnight bus that would allow us the wonderful opportunity of standing for about 8 of the 9 hour ride, we noticed a woman sitting on the floor in the back of the bus with a baby. Now you don't pay much attention to things like that because it was a norm, but the murmurs shared that the lady was heading to the better hospital in the south because the hospital in the north was not equipped to assist her sick child. She sat quietly in the back of the bus holding her child. The paper (published later that weekend) shared something we had no clue about while on the bus. That woman, holding the sick child, was actually holding a dead child for a good portion of the trip. When I think of pivotal Peace Corps, actually life, experiences that is at the top of the list. It's a reality check that in some places in the world women are holding on to dying children because they lack access to resources that can mitigate illness and/or death. That moment was pivotal because every time I think about complaining about something as trivial as traffic, I'm reminded that I am alive and that If needed, I can access medical care, nutritious food, opportunities for personal and professional growth, and the list can go on. This experience always reminds me to be grateful. Grateful for what I have, even when others may feel like it is not adequate, grateful that I have been blessed with opportunities and experiences that many do not have, grateful to be in my right mind, to live life on my terms, grateful for my breath and waking up everyday.

As I look around, I find myself looking at people that strive to have more but fail to recognize the blessings in what they have. I have little patience for complainers and those that are unable to recognize their blessings even if the blessing may not necessarily be the one they want. I guess after 10+ years of working with those that have been dealt some of the most unfair hands, I have learned to be grateful for the hand I was dealt even on the days I want a different hand.

Own the moment

My second favorite holiday is upon us...NYE! I love the new year and I love the reflection that occurs as I get ready to enter into a new year. Most folks would have deemed this year extremely difficult, I can't really say the same. Were challenges presented? Yes. A few larger than others but I made the decision to make a conscious choice not to dwell on the things are not in my control because despite the difficult, this year was pretty damn good.

This year I have had the opportunity to...

Witness love. In more ways than one. Engagements, Marriages, Babies, Self, others. I am absolutely, totally in love with love and I enjoy being able to experience it and bear witness to it.

Travel. I feel like my desire and love for travel went through the roof. I have to ground myself in reality that as much as I would like to just get up and travel the world, I do have some adult responsibilities to take care of. Despite being a grounded free spirit, I managed to make my way to some pretty cool places. From Jamaica to Belize, Chicago to Charlotte, Georgia to New York, South Carolina to Seattle, Richmond to Toronto, I have had some great travel experiences and look forward to the next adventures with new friends and old.

Serve others. From mentoring to babysitting, cat-sitting to yoga, I have been able to use what I have been blessed with to bless others. My community, my village, is something I'm grateful for and proud to be a part of.

Learn. Yoga teacher certification to Thai Yoga Massage, Reiki to Relationships, this year has been full of eye opening lessons. Lessons that have resonated in ways I didn't know possible. Lessons that have allowed me to recognize my truth, my worth, and have positioned me to live out my greatness.

Grow. Learning how to let go to accepting what it is, recognizing my value and practicing patience. Embracing the change and releasing limitations. This year was filled with growth allowing me to embrace this new year with a more grounded, loving, open energy ready to receive all that is intended for me.

Present. The great experiences throughout the year, the amazing relationships that began and grew strong, the moments of solitude and peace, have all taught me how to be present. If this year has shown me anything it's that life is unpredictable. Who knows what will come when and who knows what will leave and when. You have to own the moment and embrace all that is because it will be gone before you know it.
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Moving into a new year, it is my intention to continue on this trajectory. I set the intention for love, adventure, growth, peace, joy, and all that my heart desires.

And I wish the same for you.

be well, be blessed, and be intentional.

Have a happy new year and own the moment!

What about the in-betweens?

Last week I had the opportunity to return to the school I worked for previously to attend a closing ceremony for a pilot program I worked on over the previous year. It was great reconnecting with my students who are still cray cray (in a good way) and it was great to celebrate the achievements of the students and the program. But while I was there, I was informed that one of my program participants had not been coming to school although he was so close to finishing. No one could explain why he or his sister had not been attending. On my way to work the next morning, I decided to give this student a call to find out what was going on. He informed me that he only missed a few days because of personal appointments and then having to take care of his father (a disabled vet). After speaking with him for a little bit, I spoke with his sister (they're twins so we connected on that level) and she informed me of everything else that was going on. Her father's power was cut off and as a result, Child Protective Services was called because she has a 6 month old. Her and the baby had to go stay in a shelter and her brother voluntarily chose to join them to make sure they were safe. Despite the threat of CPS, they continued to sneak back to their father's because the conditions at the shelter are horrible at best and they caught the baby playing with cockroach.

Fast forward a week later. I'm in Starbucks about to get my Tuesday tea on and I get a phonecall from the girl twin (no names here for privacy) and she is frantic. She is having a breakdown and doesn't know what to do. She's trying to go to school but doesn't feel supported there, she's trying to take care of her child but when she looks around she feels like she is doing it all wrong, she is trying to move forward but doesn't feel like the support she needs to do so is there. After some conversation and comforting, we devised a plan for her for the day so she can feel like she has a sense of purpose. A sense that she is doing something with herself because she WANTS to be better but doesn't know how. 

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Yesterday we had an all staff meeting where it was celebrated that graduation rate has increased across the district. Kudos to the increase but I couldn't help but feel a sense of disappointment when we were celebrating the fact that about 69% of students graduate from HS (or from public HS). Which leaves me wondering what happens to the rest? I then think to my former students who are pretty much the rest, the ones that formal public schooling didn't work and now they're attending an alternative school in order to accomplish what they "should" have accomplished already. 

We never quite talk about the ones that aren't considered "bad", the in-betweens as I call them. the ones that because of life circumstances have fallen in the cracks, the ones that aren't disruptive or troublemakers, the ones that want better but haven't been given the right support to do better. The ones overlooked because they don't fit the image we have of troubled youth. It seems like you have fall on polar sides of the spectrum for someone to pay attention to your needs- either you're a superstar youth or you are a misguided youth but what then happens to those in-between?

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As I continue to work in this youth arena, I am realizing that my purpose is to continue working with those in-betweens. The ones who voices are just above a whisper just below a yell. 

It takes a village...

Last week was rough. I've been in my new role for a month (damn where has time gone?!) and last week things unexpectedly got real. In my new role i'm responsible for designing and implementing 2 district wide post-secondary preparation initiatives for students with special needs (social-emotional, cognitive disabilities, etc.). I love program design. I'm passionate about education and I enjoy working with youth. I took this position because it would challenge me to do this work in a larger capacity creating the opportunity to interact and impact more young people. But last week, this all became real.

There is A LOT that goes into program design. Some big things some little things, several small pieces that make the bigger picture. I decided that the program structure for my 9th/10 grade academy will focus on post-secondary exploration through a social justice lens. Not only will students be able to examine career paths they're interested in, they will be able to examine how they can have a positive impact on their communities within that chosen career path. So after figuring out the desired outcome then the curriculum (the actual lesson plan and structure that will get the students to the outcome), experiential learning components, and logistics have to be ironed out. Yada Yada Yada...i'll spare you all the details. So, last week while going through the student selection and notification process I realized that I have a little over a month to design 2 programs (9/10th grade academy, 11/12th grade academy) and then I became overwhelmed. I could not shut my brain off, thinking about this thinking about that. My eyes and my head were throbbing from the hours of looking at a computer screen (and probably from thinking...haha) and no lie, I must of thought several times a day why did I sign up for this? Why didn't I choose a different career field? and then I received this...

"I can't tell you how happy this opportunity makes me. It is coming at just the time when he is going into what I call "caveman adolescence," where his number-one past time is playing video games in his room. I am probably sharing too much but the fact that he will get paid for the first time in his life to learn about the real world, and how to get a job, and how to work, and how to make it out there in a world that will be increasingly uncertain under a Trump presidency, has me almost in tears. I travel a great deal and work late a lot so this program is a godsend!!!

Thank you thank you thank you!"

This note came from a parent of one of the accepted students. Now lets be clear. I haven't done anything yet, other than extend an offer to her son to participate in the program. Of course reading this made my day, but it also made me realize just how important the village is. I have never given birth but I have the tremendous opportunity to "mother" a ton of young people and let me tell you, the smallest amount of attention can have the greatest impact. 

Now more than ever, I believe there is a need to come together. I was raised by a strong village. I feel like my whole community had a hand in the person I have become and I believe that if I did not have the village I had, I would have turned out completely different. Having multiple avenues of support and guidance makes all the difference. Having multiple people cheering you on, encouraging you to continue on, makes a huge difference. 

I haven't said much in regards to the election or any of that because I have never been big into politics and believe that change resides in the people. I have listened to people express their fears, their worries, their concerns, but I have yet to really hear anyone express what their actions will be. I haven't heard much conversation about the role that they're going to play in creating a world they wish to be a part of. Nothing is going change unless we're going to change and nothing is going to change unless we act. It truly takes a village...