Time.

In the past couple of weeks, I have had two separate conversations about the use of time. One conversation involved an individual interested in me romantically (sadly but gladly the feeling is not mutual) who made the comment that I'm too busy and never make time for them. Now had I deemed this person a friend and had I known them longer than 2 months, I may have felt some type of way by that statement and aligned my actions with the way I felt. But alas, I don't and my actions have followed suit (and there is not much action on my part). The other conversation was with my cousin and aunt over brunch. My cousin brought up the fact that my aunt needs to put herself out there and date more (she's mid-60s). My aunt responded that she has tried a plethora of dating sites only to be disappointed by the lies (and I can totally understand that and will leave it for a separate post at a later date) and really has no desire to give up the things she enjoys to invest in the pursuit of finding a partner. She feels that while doing the things she loves, her boo thang will appear and they will do those things together. Boom. Ain't that the truth?

I'm a planner. I tried to change. I tried to let go of my calendar and just flow with it, I tried not to fill up my time with things I enjoy, to be idle. I tried. I really did. Sadly, it's just not me. Everything I put my time towards, I truly enjoy hence why I make time for it. Between work, side hustles, and volunteering, my free time is "limited" and as a result of finding balance and finding value, I choose to use that time to enjoy the company of those I really enjoy and to do the things I find pleasure in. And all of that goes into my google calendar. I even write my mom in my calendar. This is not to say that she is less important or that I can't see or spend time with her outside of the time on my calendar. It to me says, that you or whatever it is, is important enough for me to give my time (something you can never get back) to and I want to make sure that there are no distractions or interferences when it comes to that time. My ex complained that I didn't have time for him, I beg to differ. He may have had too much time and may not understood that the things I commit myself to are things that I see as an extension of myself (and for the betterment of the community). I felt guilty when people would complain about  my planner ways, but really I don't care. It works for me and it allows me the ability to enjoy everything I commit to the fullest. I believe in making time for the things that are important to you, important to your development, important to your connection to the world and because of this I will continue to fill out my calendar making time for the things that matter most to me.