De-funking.

I realized that i've been in somewhat of a funky mood lately. I'm not sure I can pinpoint when this came about but I would say sometime around September after the newness of being in a new place wore off and I was brought back to reality. I was no longer in Malawi and now needed to get my mind back into the reality of what my situation is...now. I'm not sure if it was the best idea to jump into grad school right away but then again my reason for leaving Malawi was to begin grad school so that I can find employment so that I can do similar work to what I was doing in Malawi. This is what I wanted, but for some reason, until today, I had let myself forget that. Oh wo as me, look at poor Courtney. Yeah, right. I have nothing to complain about and I have nothing to be unhappy about. This is the life that I have chosen and now that it's happening I need to let myself enjoy this choice.I was unhappy for no real reason, at least not in mind now, and now that I have allowed myself to realize this, its good to say i'm back. I spent a lot of time writing about my experiences and lesson learned in Malawi and yet those lesson I learned, seemed to have escaped me. I re-read my blog from Malawi and a rush of memories came, these memories have allowed me to remind myself just why I wrote those words in the first place. I'm in DC now. This will be my home for at least the next 5 years and no anger, sadness, or displeasure will change that. THIS IS WHAT I WANTED, and now i'm allowing myself to have it. I didn't make it to Malawi overnight, I didn't make it to grad school overnight, and the future I envision for myself is not going to happen overnight.

I realized that this funky mood has caused me to isolate myself from those that I care about, isolate myself from getting to know those around me, and isolated myself from living the life I know I deserve and was meant to live. I have been blessed to have the friends and family that I do have and even though I don't get to see them daily, weekly, or monthly, I shouldn't be afraid that the relationship will end. They have stuck with me thus far and unless something out of the ordinary and drastic happens, I don't forsee any of these relationships changing.

Today has been the first day I have found myself smiling for no reason and all I keep thinking is that it feels good to be back to normal(or normal by my standards).

Now its time to take advantage of everything that has been offered to me and is available.