I feel like I start every blog with an excuse and declaration as to why I need to do better at writing a blog consistently. I have a series of topics that have come to mind and I keep them in my notes on my phone, but sadly the action of writing has not occurred. I know I can do better and at this point I am tired of excuses. Given a series of recent events that left me questioning everything from my personal value and what I believe it to be, my relationships with others, my time, my desires, and a few others. I have realized that it is time to take a timeout. Not sure what this timeout will entail just yet but I do know that I need to start readjusting my use of time, my investment of time in others, and refocus on what I believe to be priorities.
My job is to invest in others. Invest in others to assist them in developing the skills they will need in order to create their paths to their success. I love what I do and I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to do what I do, but because of what I do and what I have done in the past, I am starting to believe that I am hardwired in investing in others to the point that there is no differentiation from what I do and how I live. Recently I have realized that I OVER invest in people and UNDER invest in myself. I am exhausted. Something I hate to do is to show weakness because life has shown me that it can be detrimental to do so but my exhaustion has left me irritable, overwhelmed, and wanting to become a hermit crab. Given that I am approaching 30 in just a few short months, I have made a commitment to myself that I would not bring forth the habits that do not serve my best interest that were experienced throughout my 20s forward. I am tired of over investing in others and under investing in myself and as a result of this, it is time for me to take a step back re-evaluate my relationships and the role I play in them and really think if the time invested is something that I really want to do. This more especially applies to dating and dealing with men as that has been its own internal conflict. I realize that when I truly care about someone, I will do what I can create a space where they feel heard, supported, loved, welcomed, and happy. I have been lucky enough to create relationships with friends that this is a mutual exchange. I have not been so good about demanding the same from potential partners or those that I am interested in on more than a friend level. I have also realized that when dealing with a love interest I give too much of myself without expecting the same in return which has resulted in there being not as much of me to invest in other people that I don't do a good job of investing in when I should. My desire for my partner is that he is just as invested in me, knowing about my past, knowing my present, and knowing what I want for my future. Until I find that I am quite content riding the solo wave.
For the past couple of years, well, since my last year of grad school, I have been interested in becoming an independent consultant. My desire for this is not just because I want to determine how I use my time, but because I like being able to work on different projects that use the different knowledge bases I have. I was speaking to my roommate about hitting a plateau after grad school. Where I became accepting of the mundane and not really investing in my professional goal. I can honestly say there is a lot of fear in trying to become an entrepreneur and strike it out on your own, and this fear has paralyzed me to the point that I was not actively pursuing my career goal despite it being an ongoing nag in my head. I know I am talented, I know that what I want to do I will be successful in, but given that my home life growing up wasn't always stable, I am fearful of being without enough money to cover my basic needs. I have been intentional in silencing that voice that speaks of the fears and have been encouraging the voice that speaks of going after my dream and believing in myself enough to know that it will happen because I will not allow it to be any other way. I have devised a timeline and have planned for August to be the launch of my consulting practice. I registered in an online course to help me learn the steps to starting a consulting practice and have begun marking off time on my calendar that is dedicated to developing this initiative. With all this being said, I know that I need to take a timeout to focus on accomplishing this goal in the time frame that I have set. Its time to trim up some of the fat and get cracking on making things happen. I plan on using my blog as a platform to share my progress and as a way to keep myself accountable. I look forward to the adventure of starting a business and I look forward to all that I will learn.
I am ready to step off the mundane train and to jump on the rollercoaster that will lead me to my goal. I know that all that I desire will be.
My job is to invest in others. Invest in others to assist them in developing the skills they will need in order to create their paths to their success. I love what I do and I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to do what I do, but because of what I do and what I have done in the past, I am starting to believe that I am hardwired in investing in others to the point that there is no differentiation from what I do and how I live. Recently I have realized that I OVER invest in people and UNDER invest in myself. I am exhausted. Something I hate to do is to show weakness because life has shown me that it can be detrimental to do so but my exhaustion has left me irritable, overwhelmed, and wanting to become a hermit crab. Given that I am approaching 30 in just a few short months, I have made a commitment to myself that I would not bring forth the habits that do not serve my best interest that were experienced throughout my 20s forward. I am tired of over investing in others and under investing in myself and as a result of this, it is time for me to take a step back re-evaluate my relationships and the role I play in them and really think if the time invested is something that I really want to do. This more especially applies to dating and dealing with men as that has been its own internal conflict. I realize that when I truly care about someone, I will do what I can create a space where they feel heard, supported, loved, welcomed, and happy. I have been lucky enough to create relationships with friends that this is a mutual exchange. I have not been so good about demanding the same from potential partners or those that I am interested in on more than a friend level. I have also realized that when dealing with a love interest I give too much of myself without expecting the same in return which has resulted in there being not as much of me to invest in other people that I don't do a good job of investing in when I should. My desire for my partner is that he is just as invested in me, knowing about my past, knowing my present, and knowing what I want for my future. Until I find that I am quite content riding the solo wave.
For the past couple of years, well, since my last year of grad school, I have been interested in becoming an independent consultant. My desire for this is not just because I want to determine how I use my time, but because I like being able to work on different projects that use the different knowledge bases I have. I was speaking to my roommate about hitting a plateau after grad school. Where I became accepting of the mundane and not really investing in my professional goal. I can honestly say there is a lot of fear in trying to become an entrepreneur and strike it out on your own, and this fear has paralyzed me to the point that I was not actively pursuing my career goal despite it being an ongoing nag in my head. I know I am talented, I know that what I want to do I will be successful in, but given that my home life growing up wasn't always stable, I am fearful of being without enough money to cover my basic needs. I have been intentional in silencing that voice that speaks of the fears and have been encouraging the voice that speaks of going after my dream and believing in myself enough to know that it will happen because I will not allow it to be any other way. I have devised a timeline and have planned for August to be the launch of my consulting practice. I registered in an online course to help me learn the steps to starting a consulting practice and have begun marking off time on my calendar that is dedicated to developing this initiative. With all this being said, I know that I need to take a timeout to focus on accomplishing this goal in the time frame that I have set. Its time to trim up some of the fat and get cracking on making things happen. I plan on using my blog as a platform to share my progress and as a way to keep myself accountable. I look forward to the adventure of starting a business and I look forward to all that I will learn.
I am ready to step off the mundane train and to jump on the rollercoaster that will lead me to my goal. I know that all that I desire will be.
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