Still learning

I have learned as of late that sometimes when you don't get what you want it reveals what you need.

Valentine's Day

It's that time of year when the pressure is on to find a special person to celebrate this made up holiday with. What is Valentine's Day? To me it's not about receiving a dozen roses, diamonds, or gold from the one I love. It's not about figuring out the best gift that will show a person just how much you love them or that this gift, whatever it is, should be a signifier of that amount. Valentine's Day for me has become something more then the material things that are given.

As always there's a story that takes my meaning of Valentine's Day much deeper. From the time I could remember we have always celebrated Valentine's Day. As children we would figure out what candy and what type of cards would be a hit with the class. We wanted to make sure that we had the best of everything, if Winnie the Pooh was in season it wasn't cool to bring Scooby Doo cards. No one is a fan of those nasty Valentine's gummie things( you know what i'm talking about and if you don't just think of a candy you despise) so you wanted to bring something like Skittles and Cupcakes and the like. The pressure to celebrate this holiday begins at an early age! Surprising I know. But then is becomes a bigger pressure as the years go on, those little candies and cards are replaced with teddy bears and balloons. Those teddy bears and balloons are replaced with dinners and diamonds. Why? What happened to the true meaning of this holiday? This holiday, to me, is like a free pass to tell those that we love just why we do. It's awkward to bust out "I love you because you're the best friend I could ask for", "I love you because you put up with my craziness"...etc.. in everyday conversation. But with Valentine's Day it's almost like those day to day bans of gushy talk are lifted and you can truly express just how you feel about someone whether it's a significant other, a parent, a child, a friend, or pet, whoever! I believe that if a person has to buy your love, then your love is not worth it. Love is something that cost nothing but for some reason comes with a high price tag. Just think if we walked around loving freely without the expectation of anything in return, how much heartbreak would be saved, how happy we would be?

Every year since I was a child my mom has always given me a Valentine's Day card. Even when I was in Malawi, a country where this holiday is not celebrated, my mom still sent me cards. My mom and I live in the same city now and last night upon my arrival home from class, there were 2 cards propped up against my door. My two Valentine's Day cards from my mom! She sent them to me and we live 5 minutes a part. Although my mom tells me all the time how proud she is and how much she loves me, these cards, like the ones I received in Malawi, are tangible reminders of that. I can look at these anytime I want and be reminded. To me Valentine's Day is a reminder of the love that we share with eachother. It's doesn't have to be elaborate, it shouldn't be stressful, it should be simple. Something that is a tangible reminder for us to let those we care about know just how much we love and appreciate them. I think this holiday is so heavily celebrated because in our day to day lives we become so caught up in what is going on around us that we forget to share this love and appreciation regularly to the point that we need a day to tell us to stop and do it! Haha funny how life works out.

So as you plan your Valentine's festivities, whether you believe in it or not, make sure you take the time out to let those around you know how much you love and appreciate them.

I love and appreciate all of you for following my stories, being the audience for me to bounce my ideas and frustrations off, for providing the support and encouraging words and more especially for being there! I love you and appreciate you more than I can say! (This includes those that I don't speak to often or see regularly, you're still in my thoughts and in my heart).

Happy Valentine's Day!

Peace Corps Memory

These are my neighbor girls, whom I love! They provided a lot of entertainment and helped when I was missing my own nieces back home.

Peace Corps Memory

Yes, I can kill my own dinner.
This pic was taken during my pre-service training in Dedza, Malawi.(Dec.2008)

It's that time of year to give thanks...

Hello all-
I hope this finds you all doing well as we approach this holiday season. I am at work and the ladies that are here are resting so figured this would be a good time to share with you all what I am thankful for. This will be my 4th Thanksgiving celebrating away from family and friends. I will be at the shelter I work at spending the holiday with 25 women who have no family to go to for the holiday. As I reflect on this, I realize that even though I will not be with those that I love and care about, I will be right where I am needed. I am thankful for the opportunity to spend the holiday with my larger family at Calvary Women's Services and in addition to being thankful for this....

I am thankful daily for being able to wake up and take a breath
I am thankful for my family who support me throughout all my various adventures, who deal with my transitions, lack of patience, and absence
I am thankful for my friends, spread all over the world, who have encouraged me when needed, provided a listening ear, and a good laugh
I am thankful to be a student pursuing a degree in a field I am passionate about
I am thankful for a job(s) to go to and a home to come home to
I am thankful for the women I work with who inspire and give me hope every time I walk in the door
I am thankful for good health for myself and those that I love and care about
I am thankful for my freedom and power of choice
I am thankful for those that give gifts to the world that I may or may not get to enjoy

I am thankful for having you as a part of my life. I hope your holiday is spent right where you're suppose to be, with those you choose to share it with.
Many blessings to you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

YWomen Awards Movie

Here's the movie that was made about the honorees of the YWomen Award including me!

Enjoy :)


http://www.ywcae-ns.org/y-women-2010.html

De-funking.

I realized that i've been in somewhat of a funky mood lately. I'm not sure I can pinpoint when this came about but I would say sometime around September after the newness of being in a new place wore off and I was brought back to reality. I was no longer in Malawi and now needed to get my mind back into the reality of what my situation is...now. I'm not sure if it was the best idea to jump into grad school right away but then again my reason for leaving Malawi was to begin grad school so that I can find employment so that I can do similar work to what I was doing in Malawi. This is what I wanted, but for some reason, until today, I had let myself forget that. Oh wo as me, look at poor Courtney. Yeah, right. I have nothing to complain about and I have nothing to be unhappy about. This is the life that I have chosen and now that it's happening I need to let myself enjoy this choice.I was unhappy for no real reason, at least not in mind now, and now that I have allowed myself to realize this, its good to say i'm back. I spent a lot of time writing about my experiences and lesson learned in Malawi and yet those lesson I learned, seemed to have escaped me. I re-read my blog from Malawi and a rush of memories came, these memories have allowed me to remind myself just why I wrote those words in the first place. I'm in DC now. This will be my home for at least the next 5 years and no anger, sadness, or displeasure will change that. THIS IS WHAT I WANTED, and now i'm allowing myself to have it. I didn't make it to Malawi overnight, I didn't make it to grad school overnight, and the future I envision for myself is not going to happen overnight.

I realized that this funky mood has caused me to isolate myself from those that I care about, isolate myself from getting to know those around me, and isolated myself from living the life I know I deserve and was meant to live. I have been blessed to have the friends and family that I do have and even though I don't get to see them daily, weekly, or monthly, I shouldn't be afraid that the relationship will end. They have stuck with me thus far and unless something out of the ordinary and drastic happens, I don't forsee any of these relationships changing.

Today has been the first day I have found myself smiling for no reason and all I keep thinking is that it feels good to be back to normal(or normal by my standards).

Now its time to take advantage of everything that has been offered to me and is available.