Wednesday, October 5, 2016

"What do you do?"

When I first moved to DC, I would inwardly gag when someone began a conversation asking about my occupation. I'm not going to go down the rabbit hole of why that is rude and i'll save the lecture on why a person's worth has nothing to do with their job title. What I will say is that what I do can't be summed up in a title. As I begin to consider next steps, I go back and forth about getting out of direct services or staying in. Not that I don't love serving others but I think I may be ready for a new challenge, i'm just not sure what this new challenge is yet. In the meantime, I'm at peace that I am where I am.

As someone that has explored different occupations, i'm pretty sure folks are not exactly aware of what it is I do. One moment I'm working with the homeless and the next moment i'm in a some remote place on the otherside of the world. Sometimes I wonder myself just what i'm doing. On the outside it may not make sense, but to me it does. So back to the question: what do you do?

Since I have transitioned into working with young people, I have realized more and more my title doesn't matter because I do whatever needs to get done. In my current role I manage/coordinate/plan (whatever) post-secondary activities for young adults (so essentially think of life skills development, workforce development, college/career planning, etc.. All the things you wished you had learned earlier). I sum it up as a youth life coach, a voice of reason, a resource, a guide to assisting young people navigate systems they may not understand. In any given day I can deal with a plethora of issues. From counseling a student dealing with family stuff to guiding a group through work opportunities, to coordinating with outside partners, to being a cheerleader, surrogate mother, problem solver, therapist, listener, giver of hugs, voice of reason, and the list goes on. There is no such thing as a "normal" day (yesterday I had 2 students argue over a saugage muffin...really?) Some days are more exhausting than others and some days almost make me feel defeated. When you hear stories day in and day out, it can get easy to get jaded or become emotionaless to the struggle. You hear story after story and it can numb you from having any sort of reaction. I never want to get to that point where I have no reaction, no emotion to the struggles that my students deal with daily...and trust me, their struggles are real. As exhausting as it can be, as sad as some moments are, I absolutely love what I do. I'll continue to do some soul searching to figure out the what next but for now, i'm going to continue serving, mentoring, guiding, loving, mothering, supporting my young people.

So in the end, when asked what I do? I can confidently respond with " I do what I love". 

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

DC Bucketlist

I'm on a roll. Not really. I'm taking a break and decided to re-visit my bucket list. My time as a resident of DC is ticking away and after living here for 6 years there are SEVERAL things that I have left to experience here. My may never live any where else that has so many cool, FREE activities so i'm going to take advantage of it while I can.

DC/DMV Bucketlist:

Concert/Event at the Kennedy Center
Shakespeare Theatre (either Romeo and Juliet or The Secret Garden)
Library of Congress
Hop On Hop Off bus
Drive In theatre Baltimore
Visit all museums
Safari Park VA
Luray Caverns
Apple Picking or something

I'm sure more will be added so stay tuned. 

Monday, September 12, 2016

Babies, Marriage, and a Cat

"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them."



I'm pretty sure i'm in that stage of life where everyone around you is either getting married or having babies. It's gotten to a point where weekly i'm seeing multiple announcements on my FB timeline. And while it appears that everyone seems to be checking off those points in their lives,well, i'm not. I'm just chillen with my cat. This is not a pity post because I don't feel feel sorry for myself. I've come to realize that i'm a late bloomer in these areas (again not that something is wrong with that). It wasn't until like 2 years ago that I finally realized and accepted that being a wife and mother are a part of my life desires and it wasn't until about 2 years ago that I realized and accepted that there is nothing wrong with having the desire for either. So it wasn't until about 2 years ago that I began dating with a purpose and began positioning myself in all capacities to open myself and my life to someone else. Surprisingly because up until 2 years ago I was pretty certain I would be traveling the world and enjoying great love affairs along the way.

Now....

I want to travel the world with one great love creating memories along the way. Call me a hopeful romantic, but i'm pretty sure it's possible even if it means I just have to wait a little while longer with no babies, marriage and just a cat. When I worked in international development, particularly in some not so sexy places, I was pretty certain that I would NEVER be able to find someone to a) join the journey/be open to the adventure b) be supportive of that type of lifestyle and or be willing to withstand bouts of time a part. And although that little urge inside of me to travel to some of those unsexy locales still appears, i'm more open to compromise haha But even more than just compromise, I have learned that whomever I choose to be with , will have goals and interests aligned to mine and therefore would be understanding of this lifestyle. 

As for dating, well, it can be a time drain and exhausting. I'm probably less intentional about putting myself in places to meet someone and instead have taken the "they will find me when its time" approach. The idea of another bout of online dating makes me want to gag (I won't say it's all horrible...but the chances of finding someone who is truly what they present is very low) and I have never quite been the girl who plans their life/activities around the places where I can potentially meet my future husband. So all I can really do is be patient, hope for the best, but continue my adventure until there is a co-pilot for this ride. 




Wednesday, June 8, 2016

You only turn 31 once.

Only a couple hours into my birthday and I am feeling the love. You all should know by now that my birthday is my favorite holiday. Besides the selfish reasons why I love this day, I love it for the ability to reflect back on a year of life-examine the lessons and blessings- and figure out what is going to come forward with me into this new year and what is going to be left behind.
My 30th year of life was nothing short of awesome! I can't really pinpoint one particular thing that made it this way, I can just say that it was an accumulation of things coming together at the right time. Now that I can officially say that I am in my 30s (31 to be exact), I look forward to more awesome, more lessons, and more blessings that this new year will bring.

One particular lesson has really resonated with me this past year and I am quite certain that it will be a trend that comes into this new year. As many of you know, I spent the last 9 or so months working towards my yoga teacher certification (woot woot! Passed my written exam). I can't begin to describe how amazing this experience has been, how much I have grown, and how much this will allow me to continue to grow. I can't really go into great detail of my experience because you will be reading for hours and honestly, if you haven't been through it, I don't think you will fully comprehend the level of commitment, the amount of taking a part and putting back together you do, and the physical, emotional, and mental challenges and triumphs you experience. My training was THOROUGH and although I still feel very much a student, I can confidently say I have a strong foundation to move forward from.

In yoga, there is an Eight Limbed Path that is the foundation for creating a yoga practice. The eight limbs are: Yama (Universal Mortality), Niyama (Personal Observances), Asanas (Body Postures), Pranayama (Breathing Exercises), Pratyhara (Sensory Control), Dharana (Concentration), Dhyana (Meditation), Samadhi (liberation or union with the divine). The Yamas and Niyamas, can be seen as an ethical guide to living life, are further broken down into 5 principles each (homework-look them up yourself..LOL). One of these principles- Asteya or non-stealing- is the one that I have really focused on and made an effort to be mindful of (not stating that it is more important, just more aligned with the lesson I need to learn at this time).

So back to Asteya...When we think of stealing, we think of taking a physical object that belongs to someone else without their consent. As explained to me by my trainer, mentor, and friend (check her out-danasmithcoaching.com) stealing can occur with our time. Whether we take time away from ourselves (think about procrastination), or take time from others (think about being late, committing to something and canceling last minute, etc) or we allow others to take time from us; when we allow any of these to occur, we are not practicing asteya thus impacting the rest of our yoga practice (and just to clarify- yoga is not just stretching). So in learning this, I became more mindful of not stealing time from myself or from others and not allowing others to steal time from me. Now this can be a bit tricky seeing as we can't control everything, you're right, we can't. But we can control our actions and our thoughts and by doing so we are able to remain as true to ourselves as possible. This whole concept has made me shift my view of relationships (personal, romantic, professional) and how I allow people to occupy my mental, emotional, and physical space. It has also allowed me to become mindful of how I want to spend my time. At this point, if the desire is not there, I don't do it. As a result, I have shifted relationships with others to ensure that I am able to apply this principle. And let me be honest, although it is difficult restructuring the way you interact with others ( sometimes those you have known a long while), you'll be much happier living life on your accord rather than someone elses. I no longer feel obligated to spend time with anyone that I feel "steals" from me, and I no longer feel obligated to do things that that I do not desire doing.

So as I enter into a new year, I look forward to all the moments that will bring me joy, all the challenges that will bring me growth, and all the people that will enhance my life with their presence and love. Year 31- I am ready for you!


Thursday, December 31, 2015

Thanks for everything 2015!

Well folks we made it. We're in the final hours of 2015 and if you have read previous posts, my 2nd favorite holiday is upon us (my first being my birthday). I have completely dropped the ball on writing and now i'm sitting here just a few short hours before I'm scheduled to head out for my evening activities, trying to get my last thoughts of 2015 out before the new year begins. I struggled a bit trying to figure out just what I should write about and how to truly capture my thoughts towards 2015. I'm still not sure what will come out of this freestyle but alas, it really doesn't matter because like everything else, it will be left behind in 2015. Well... not exactly everything as there are some lessons that this past year has shared that I know will continue into the new year.

2015 was definitely my year. In more ways than one and although things did not always go as planned, they went as they were supposed to and as a result I have become a better person. When I look back at 2015, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. From turning 30 and being surrounded by a group of people who love and support me; to taking a 2 week solo trip through the middle east; to being honored by one of my favorite organizations with an award for doing work I enjoy; to embarking on a complete lifestyle change through yoga; to opening myself to giving and receiving love; to allowing myself to prioritize my happiness; to getting outside of my comfort zone and challenging myself to choose happiness over everything else; to honoring my worth and not settling for less than I deserve; to accepting life as it unfolds; to not worrying over things out of my control; to gaining control over the way I think; to recognizing my purpose and walking in it; to trusting myself and my judgment; to releasing the things/people who are not intended to continue walking with me on my journey; to nurturing relationships with those that are; to appreciating the gift of life and the beauty that is seen everyday; to not getting caught up in the craziness; to remaining true to me when it may have been difficult; to being still and enjoying that stillness; to being in the moment and appreciating it...I can go on but I won't. I have truly been blessed this year.

As I begin the transition into 2016, I have reflected on what I desire for the new year. I am not setting any resolutions because as I have learned to release control, I know that however I intend for this new year to go it will. Moving into the new year I affirm and I set the intention of acceptance. I will accept myself and I will accept others, even when feelings may desire otherwise. I affirm and set the intention of protection. As I continue to walk on my path may I be protected from all things and people that are not aligned with me serving my higher purpose. I affirm and set the intention of guidance. May I continue to be guided through life in a way that allows me to be purposeful, kind, compassionate, and loving. I affirm and set the intention of health. May I continue to prioritize my physical, emotional, and spiritual health. I affirm and set the intention of joy. May I continue to find joy through pain, joy in moments when it may appear there is none, joy in the struggle, and joy in the success. Lastly, I affirm and set the intention of love. May I continue to open my heart to giving and receiving love and may I be example to others of how to do the same.

With that being said, thanks 2015 for the wonderful memories, the blessings, and the lessons.

Come on 2016, i'm ready for you!



Friday, September 11, 2015

Feeling Free

That time of year has come where summer sunsets become fall sunrises and we no longer flutter about in the warm sunshine of the day but the crisp cool air of of a new season. A new season indeed. I usually dread when summer becomes fall, for several reasons including the colder weather and the colder weather..LOL It's also probably my most reflective time period (October to be exact...i'm sure we all have that month) but going into this new season, I feel free. I'm not sure I can really articulate how this feeling is but its like a lightness of being where nothing seems to throw me off my course or out of character. I know that I can simply choose who I am and what I want and keep it moving. So much has not really happened since I turn 30, a new job yes, but other than that I have been easing into this decade taking in every moment. And every moment has been pretty damn good.

3 months into this whole being 30 thing and what can I say but this wave of change has been quite interesting, in a good way of course. I marvel at the comfort I find in myself and with myself and I marvel at my inability to make excuses for others. I'm don't know if this is a whole being 30 thing or just a "this is where I am at in life" thing but either way, It has been enjoyable seeing and reflecting on that growth. It's amazing how we truly do create the space we exist in and we have the power to determine how we spend each moment of our lives. I have chosen to be accepting-accepting of the emotions that arise, the vulnerability, the twists and turns presented, and roll with it knowing that I have the skill and capacity to make the most of it and make it through it. Who knows what is in store for me, I do know what I desire (balance, healthy relationships including a supportive partner, adventure, and endless moments that allow me to be taken back by the beauty present that I have no choice but to be present). I'm excited and content and grateful for all that is unfolding for me.

Cheers to manifesting our destiny and living the lives we choose to live!

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Farewell Standards!

June 8, 2015

Dear Societal Standards,

I am writing to inform you that I have failed you. Today marked a huge milestone, my 30th birthday. And although I was really, really, really looking forward to this particular birthday, I realized that I did not hold up my end of the bargain in meeting all of the things you expected me to meet by this time. I do not have a husband or any prospect on the horizon. I do not have any children unless you want to count my 2 cats, 25 students, and 4 mentees. I do not work in a career field that has me swimming in dollars and let's be honest, since you don't really value it, it may never allow me to do that. I do not own a home or vacation in the islands yearly. I am not free of debt and since I took on a ridiculous amount in student loans to get an education that should have afforded me the above standards set by you, I have to accept the fact that Uncle Sam will have his hands in my pockets until...well...who knows. I'm sure you are disappointed and are probably thinking it's all my fault and I could have done better. Maybe I could have, but then again you never really compromised to meet my needs.
The real reason why I am writing this is not to tell you about how I horribly failed at meeting your standards but to let you know that our relationship, which was never really a relationship since you were more invested in yourself rather than me, is over. I can't really say it's been a great ride because it never was really all that enjoyable in the way that a rollercoaster can be. And I don't think I will really miss you much but I think it's best that way. I do know I can be grateful for all that you shown me and all that you allowed me to learn. By understanding that your standards do not align with my expectations I have been given more insight in how to accept others. You see, when I look around there is no one really quite like me. Not to say that I am better or worse, just myself. And in knowing that I am just myself, I can accept others as being just their selves because let's face it, there is no real standard to meet and by believing this we create a space for people to just be themselves. Maybe it's hard to follow that, but in my 30 years I have come to realize that the only thing I can be is me and the only thing I can do is accept you as you. No more, no less. In addition to learning about acceptance through you, I have been able to realize that there is no real timeline for this thing called life. Tomorrow is for sure not guaranteed ( ask someone who has lost someone if they knew that person was going to leave this earth, I bet you they would tell you that they did not know down to the second when their loved one would perish) and because it's not, we have to make the most of the day, the moment, the second. Now if you're like me, how in the hell do you do that? I don't really know. I just have to remind myself where I am, is what I am doing aligned with my core values? am I doing what I can in this moment to prepare for the next moment? How will my actions impact my life in 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, 5 years from now? In knowing that there is no real timeline, I quit comparing myself to my peers or where I thought you thought I should be. You see, if I followed your timeline I would have missed out on some of the most awesome, most challenging, most growth filled experiences of my life. Looking back I probably could have taken a more stable path, but then again, these memories I have sometimes get me through those boring meetings that I occasionally have to sit through. Oh, how could I forget? You also taught me that this world, with all its crazy, has some really genuine people who ultimately want to be happy and to get the most out of life. I think some may be caught up in your standards but when folks break free, they treat others more kind, they treat themselves more kind, and above all they allow themselves to live the life they choose to live opposed to the one you want them to live.

So with all this said, I bid you farewell standards. While you are out torturing some unsuspecting soul, i'll be enjoying an occasional beer or glass of wine, a reeses peanut butter cup ( and I may not stop at one), endless walks in solitude, picnics in the park, personal date nights, laughter with friends, snuggles with my kitties, stupid reality tv, bootcamp classes, bike rides, and yoga...and my favorite food- ice cream. Because let's face it, life it meant to be lived the way you want, not how someone expects you to.

Cheers to 30!