So I just realized that my last blog was my 100th blog written since 2010. I'm super proud of myself for sticking with this writing space and I am super happy that you have supported me through it all. If I had some wine I would make a toast, but I don't, so I will settle for being happy :)
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Out with the old, in with the new
Well the world didn't end on Friday as they said it would, which means that we have either been had or we don't completely understand the Mayan calendar. Since the world didn't come to an end and I am still alive and breathing, I guess it's time I updated this blog. I love this time of year, not necessarily because of Christmas or thoughts of snow or presents, but because the new year is approaching and this is one of my bigger reflection periods. I have been reflecting A LOT on 2012 and what the year held for me, what lessons it presented to me, and what I plan on doing in the new year. Before I go into the lessons learned, I wanted to highlight the positive things that occurred in 2012. Here it goes...
-I traveled over 15000 miles (NYC x4, Chicago x2, Chincoteague Island, Atlantic City x2, Puerto Rico, Nigeria, Virginia x3 (outside the DMV area), Jacksonville, FL and some smaller day trips in between)
-GRADUATED! Finished the requirements and received my masters degree
-Welcomed a new niece :)
-Made new friends
-Experienced a hot, sweaty summer in DC
-Quit my job without a backup plan
Ok, the last one may not have been a highlight but it definitely was a great lesson in self-worth and personal happiness. This year has been filled with ups and down, frustration, anger, sadness, happiness, and joy. This year has been by far the most challenging one for me as an adult and although at times I was ready to throw in the towel, throw my hands up, and walk away (maybe to an island maybe back to Africa), I stuck with it as I did through other challenging times and the lessons that came from this year are invaluable. So on to the lessons...
1. Don't expect people to understand your happiness-Some times people are unhappy or don't share in the happiness you have, that doesn't mean you have to stop being happy or limit your happiness. The world is getting crazier and crazier and if you're able to find happiness and hold on to it, more power to you. I've said it before, but never let someone compromise your happiness, even if that means having to walk away or create space away from those negative nellies.
2. Learn to be still-this was by far the most challenging thing that I learned this year. I can't be still, I don't know what that means, I can't remember the last time I had non-stop stillness and this year due to some fortunate circumstances, I was able to take some time to be still. To think, to plan, to figure out where I am headed next and what I want. It wasn't easy, but I am more and more comfortable being still.
3. Have no regrets or thoughts of second chances- Life is meant to be lived and there is a chance that you won't get another opportunity to take advantage of. If there is something you want to do, do it. If there's someone you love, love them. Act as if there will never be another opportunity after the first and love and live life as much as you can.
4. Don't be afraid to take a step back and focus on yourself- I have always been a "people pleaser" and have always been the shoulder to lean on and a listening ear, but I realize that by doing so i'm exhausting myself mentally which has taken a toll on the physical. It's hard not always being there for others, but I can no longer invest and be there for others when it results in something negative for my well-being.
5. Letting go- I'm still putting this into practice, but this year it has gotten better. Sometimes you just have to let it go. Whether it's a job, a person, experience, or thing. If all signs are pointing to the fact that it's not yours and never will be, then let it go. When you let things go, you open up the space for the things you're supposed to have to come.
6. An unpleasant situation is only unpleasant because of your attitude- Look at the perspective you take on things. I try to remain positive in my thoughts, even during the most trying times, and I find that when I do those trying times are little less miserable and a little more enjoyable.
7. Be Present- With all the technology and social media, being present is becoming increasingly difficult. I reached my breaking point. I am tired of being in a space, having an experience and instead of being present in that moment, i'm updating something about that moment. What sense does it make to constantly update fb about what i'm doing and with who instead of actually being there in that moment enjoying those I am with.
8. Pay attention to the actions, not just the words- People will tell you what you want to hear and we live in a space where manipulation is the norm. People will talk, but actions talk louder and if your actions don't follow your words, then those words are worth as much as an expired gift card...nothing.
Each year when I reflect on what lessons have been presented, I create goals that will coincide with them and will allow for me to put my lessons into action. I am excited for all that 2013 has to hold, I know that it will be a great year because I will make it one. So for all those that are reading this, I wish you well and with much happiness in the new year.
Out with 2012, in with 2013...
Watch out, i'm coming back with a vengeance.
-I traveled over 15000 miles (NYC x4, Chicago x2, Chincoteague Island, Atlantic City x2, Puerto Rico, Nigeria, Virginia x3 (outside the DMV area), Jacksonville, FL and some smaller day trips in between)
-GRADUATED! Finished the requirements and received my masters degree
-Welcomed a new niece :)
-Made new friends
-Experienced a hot, sweaty summer in DC
-Quit my job without a backup plan
Ok, the last one may not have been a highlight but it definitely was a great lesson in self-worth and personal happiness. This year has been filled with ups and down, frustration, anger, sadness, happiness, and joy. This year has been by far the most challenging one for me as an adult and although at times I was ready to throw in the towel, throw my hands up, and walk away (maybe to an island maybe back to Africa), I stuck with it as I did through other challenging times and the lessons that came from this year are invaluable. So on to the lessons...
1. Don't expect people to understand your happiness-Some times people are unhappy or don't share in the happiness you have, that doesn't mean you have to stop being happy or limit your happiness. The world is getting crazier and crazier and if you're able to find happiness and hold on to it, more power to you. I've said it before, but never let someone compromise your happiness, even if that means having to walk away or create space away from those negative nellies.
2. Learn to be still-this was by far the most challenging thing that I learned this year. I can't be still, I don't know what that means, I can't remember the last time I had non-stop stillness and this year due to some fortunate circumstances, I was able to take some time to be still. To think, to plan, to figure out where I am headed next and what I want. It wasn't easy, but I am more and more comfortable being still.
3. Have no regrets or thoughts of second chances- Life is meant to be lived and there is a chance that you won't get another opportunity to take advantage of. If there is something you want to do, do it. If there's someone you love, love them. Act as if there will never be another opportunity after the first and love and live life as much as you can.
4. Don't be afraid to take a step back and focus on yourself- I have always been a "people pleaser" and have always been the shoulder to lean on and a listening ear, but I realize that by doing so i'm exhausting myself mentally which has taken a toll on the physical. It's hard not always being there for others, but I can no longer invest and be there for others when it results in something negative for my well-being.
5. Letting go- I'm still putting this into practice, but this year it has gotten better. Sometimes you just have to let it go. Whether it's a job, a person, experience, or thing. If all signs are pointing to the fact that it's not yours and never will be, then let it go. When you let things go, you open up the space for the things you're supposed to have to come.
6. An unpleasant situation is only unpleasant because of your attitude- Look at the perspective you take on things. I try to remain positive in my thoughts, even during the most trying times, and I find that when I do those trying times are little less miserable and a little more enjoyable.
7. Be Present- With all the technology and social media, being present is becoming increasingly difficult. I reached my breaking point. I am tired of being in a space, having an experience and instead of being present in that moment, i'm updating something about that moment. What sense does it make to constantly update fb about what i'm doing and with who instead of actually being there in that moment enjoying those I am with.
8. Pay attention to the actions, not just the words- People will tell you what you want to hear and we live in a space where manipulation is the norm. People will talk, but actions talk louder and if your actions don't follow your words, then those words are worth as much as an expired gift card...nothing.
Each year when I reflect on what lessons have been presented, I create goals that will coincide with them and will allow for me to put my lessons into action. I am excited for all that 2013 has to hold, I know that it will be a great year because I will make it one. So for all those that are reading this, I wish you well and with much happiness in the new year.
Out with 2012, in with 2013...
Watch out, i'm coming back with a vengeance.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Second chances
So I thought I was going to write a blog entitled "the next phase" seeing as I just closed a chapter and getting ready to open a new one (or not getting ready, actually opened a new one...i'm on like the 3rd page and it's already a thriller...at least in my mind). Anyway, as I thought about the beginning of this new chapter, this new phase, I realized that with this new chapter I get a second chance. I failed. Yes, I admit it, I failed at implementing the lessons I learned from my previous chapters and now that I am starting a new one, I get a second chance. A second chance to return to those lessons and implement them, use them how they're supposed to be used, to re-learn, and recognize just what I need to do to get me back to where I need to be.
Whenever I feel something weighing on me, I return to my blog. I return to what I HAVE WRITTEN and go through each blog and let my words speak, to me, for me. My words do a great job of allowing me to see what I need to see in order to understand a situation. Before I can go any further about what I am going to do this time around I need to let you know the truth of just what I have been dealing with.
These past few months have been quite a doozy. I went to somewhat stable employment to no employment. If you know me, you know that I have always worked, sometimes 2-3 jobs at a time. I may have been living paycheck to paycheck, but I had a paycheck. I had a secure paycheck that I could count on to pay the bills and allow me to enjoy a nice meal or new outfit. I guess having no job is my fault seeing as I quit a job without having another lined up, but I wanted to stay true to myself, and this job would just remind me that someone sees me as unworthy. In addition to not having a job, I had to make the difficult decision of moving back home. Out of the 4 kids in my family, I was the first to leave and in almost 10 years never came back. Not that I don't love my mom, but I love my independence, I love being in my OWN space without having to worry about someone else entering my space without invitation. So now I don't have a job and i'm moving back home, I felt like a loser. Like who has 2 degrees, extensive work experience, and the want to do work for others that many choose not to but no job and living at home? The constant questions about what next? what big thing does Courtney have planned, because she always has something planned, something big going on, and when I shrugged my shoulders and realized that I don't have any big plans, I became depressed. Like how do I not have a plan, how do I not know what's going on? So after giving myself a pep talk about not having a job and moving back home and how it's really not that bad because if I follow my own advice "never put permanent thinking on a temporary situation" then this situation is just temporary, it really is. After telling myself that I began believing it to be the truth, because it is. So now i'm over that hurdle i'm on to the next...relationships.
This year has been an emotional rollercoaster of dealing with relationships. I guess they say it's true that God only gives you what you can handle and I believe that to be true. I would never turn my ear from someone who needed it, but I also didn't do the best job of finding that balance. How do I focus on me while still making the space for others that really matter? I failed at that. When I was working and dealing with the stress of working with populations experiencing trauma, friends and relationships, it just became too much. I had no outlet because I created no outlet. It's hard being the person that everyone comes to but I don't always feel like I have that person I can turn to. I never want to be a burden and I feel guilty bitching about things that aren't really that important because let's face it, there's many larger problems in this world. I have become extremely self-reliant and that is years of feeling like I only have myself to really rely on which became even more intense when I was in Malawi and truly on my own. I would never want those I love to feel that I can't be there for them, but I have realized that in order to be there for them, I have to be there for myself. This whole not-having-a-job-moving-back-home-blues pushed me to a space with those that I love that I either exaggerated one emotion or shut down. Seeing as I looked back through my blogs, I did the same thing when I came back from Malawi, moved to DC, and became aware that the world is not like the world I had in Malawi. I have extreme highs but those extreme highs can become extreme lows and when those extreme lows occur, I'm learning just how to deal with them and how to create that balance and recognizing the signs that an extreme low is coming so I can deal with them accordingly and without having to take it out on those I care about. So for those that I may have distanced myself from, pushed away, or sucked you into my extreme low, I apologize. I can't say that tomorrow I will be back to normal and I ask for patience while i get there, but do know that I love you, am always here for you, and what I just wrote has no bearing on the role I play in your life. It just means that I have to do a better job of creating those outlets and may need a little more time to focus on me.
Why am I putting this out there? Well, with this second chance, i'm learning how to let go, how to release, and how to let people in. It will be an adjustment at first, but I know that nothing but good will come from it and it will allow me an outlet that wasn't there before.
Now back to this second chances business. I will begin a new position soon, have a goal of getting a car before the end of the year, and moving into my own space around February. For those that really know me, you're probably thinking she hasn't learned because she's still planning shit out, but that's my compromise. I will have a general plan and allow everything else to happen as it will. The one thing that I loved about being in Malawi, was being able to choose how and what I will do with each day. Although I still had to work, I took the time to invest in the relationships that mattered, I had the chance to deal away with the ones that didn't, but above all, I allowed myself to be open to what each day brought. Coming back to the states, I lost sight of that, and now that I am aware and have my second chance, I am going to do that. Letting go of control is hard, but as I have said before, everything has always worked out, there's no reason it won't now. So as I return to the outlets that have always worked for me (writing, reading, walking, exploring), I am refreshed and revived and ready for this new chapter.
Cheers to second chances and cheers to a new chapter.
Whenever I feel something weighing on me, I return to my blog. I return to what I HAVE WRITTEN and go through each blog and let my words speak, to me, for me. My words do a great job of allowing me to see what I need to see in order to understand a situation. Before I can go any further about what I am going to do this time around I need to let you know the truth of just what I have been dealing with.
These past few months have been quite a doozy. I went to somewhat stable employment to no employment. If you know me, you know that I have always worked, sometimes 2-3 jobs at a time. I may have been living paycheck to paycheck, but I had a paycheck. I had a secure paycheck that I could count on to pay the bills and allow me to enjoy a nice meal or new outfit. I guess having no job is my fault seeing as I quit a job without having another lined up, but I wanted to stay true to myself, and this job would just remind me that someone sees me as unworthy. In addition to not having a job, I had to make the difficult decision of moving back home. Out of the 4 kids in my family, I was the first to leave and in almost 10 years never came back. Not that I don't love my mom, but I love my independence, I love being in my OWN space without having to worry about someone else entering my space without invitation. So now I don't have a job and i'm moving back home, I felt like a loser. Like who has 2 degrees, extensive work experience, and the want to do work for others that many choose not to but no job and living at home? The constant questions about what next? what big thing does Courtney have planned, because she always has something planned, something big going on, and when I shrugged my shoulders and realized that I don't have any big plans, I became depressed. Like how do I not have a plan, how do I not know what's going on? So after giving myself a pep talk about not having a job and moving back home and how it's really not that bad because if I follow my own advice "never put permanent thinking on a temporary situation" then this situation is just temporary, it really is. After telling myself that I began believing it to be the truth, because it is. So now i'm over that hurdle i'm on to the next...relationships.
This year has been an emotional rollercoaster of dealing with relationships. I guess they say it's true that God only gives you what you can handle and I believe that to be true. I would never turn my ear from someone who needed it, but I also didn't do the best job of finding that balance. How do I focus on me while still making the space for others that really matter? I failed at that. When I was working and dealing with the stress of working with populations experiencing trauma, friends and relationships, it just became too much. I had no outlet because I created no outlet. It's hard being the person that everyone comes to but I don't always feel like I have that person I can turn to. I never want to be a burden and I feel guilty bitching about things that aren't really that important because let's face it, there's many larger problems in this world. I have become extremely self-reliant and that is years of feeling like I only have myself to really rely on which became even more intense when I was in Malawi and truly on my own. I would never want those I love to feel that I can't be there for them, but I have realized that in order to be there for them, I have to be there for myself. This whole not-having-a-job-moving-back-home-blues pushed me to a space with those that I love that I either exaggerated one emotion or shut down. Seeing as I looked back through my blogs, I did the same thing when I came back from Malawi, moved to DC, and became aware that the world is not like the world I had in Malawi. I have extreme highs but those extreme highs can become extreme lows and when those extreme lows occur, I'm learning just how to deal with them and how to create that balance and recognizing the signs that an extreme low is coming so I can deal with them accordingly and without having to take it out on those I care about. So for those that I may have distanced myself from, pushed away, or sucked you into my extreme low, I apologize. I can't say that tomorrow I will be back to normal and I ask for patience while i get there, but do know that I love you, am always here for you, and what I just wrote has no bearing on the role I play in your life. It just means that I have to do a better job of creating those outlets and may need a little more time to focus on me.
Why am I putting this out there? Well, with this second chance, i'm learning how to let go, how to release, and how to let people in. It will be an adjustment at first, but I know that nothing but good will come from it and it will allow me an outlet that wasn't there before.
Now back to this second chances business. I will begin a new position soon, have a goal of getting a car before the end of the year, and moving into my own space around February. For those that really know me, you're probably thinking she hasn't learned because she's still planning shit out, but that's my compromise. I will have a general plan and allow everything else to happen as it will. The one thing that I loved about being in Malawi, was being able to choose how and what I will do with each day. Although I still had to work, I took the time to invest in the relationships that mattered, I had the chance to deal away with the ones that didn't, but above all, I allowed myself to be open to what each day brought. Coming back to the states, I lost sight of that, and now that I am aware and have my second chance, I am going to do that. Letting go of control is hard, but as I have said before, everything has always worked out, there's no reason it won't now. So as I return to the outlets that have always worked for me (writing, reading, walking, exploring), I am refreshed and revived and ready for this new chapter.
Cheers to second chances and cheers to a new chapter.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
In the business of serving others
As a senior in HS I took a class that had a component that required students to create an independent project of their choice. I chose to focus on homelessness and as a part of that project I took a service learning trip to Nashville, TN. I had the opportunity to work with a few different agencies in Nashville that focuses on supporting the needs of the homeless. An organization that we spent a few days volunteering with was Room in the Inn (Campus for Human Development). This organization provided several much needed services to a population of people society often times overlooks or sees as a burden. Knowing that I will be returning to Nashville the following fall for school, I stored this organization in mind so that when I returned I could find out more about what they do and become a volunteer.
Around this time 5 years ago, I became an employee of Room in the Inn's Campus for Human Development, closely working with those the organization serves. I have been saying either aloud or in my head since I was in the Peace Corps that I want to eventually become by own boss and begin my own non-profit. Now that I reflect on this idea more and really begin to take the steps to make it happen, I can't help but think about the influence this organization has had on my perspective to community and human development. I have had my fair share of experiences working and volunteering in the non-profit world. Some positive and some not so positive, but all have taught me something in regards to how I would approach the business of serving others. None of these organizations have taught me how to truly serve others and still run an organization efficiently then Room in the Inn (Campus for Human Development).
I'm going to go on a bit of a rant here, but hear me out. Nothing gets under my skin more than a non-profit organization that sees those it serves as a number opposed to a human being (or living being). Yes, there is a business aspect to running non-profits because let's face it, they don't run on air. But because there is a business aspect it, it does not mean that the human, or humanity, aspect needs to suffer. I don't understand why more organizations don't feel that they could do this, don't feel they have to do this, or don't think it is necessary to do this. What's the purpose of serving others if the service you are providing doesn't come from the heart? At the end of the day, anyone experiencing a trauma or difficult situation in their life, needs validation that their presence is valued and how do you value that presence if you don't value the connection with the being and instead only see it as a number? I'm all about community development, I all about helping the next person (and let my mom tell you, I should stop giving my services away for free...LOL), and i'm for those things because I have realized the value of community and human development, when one wins then only one benefits, when many win, many benefit and because as they say "we're only as strong as our weakest link" then why don't we truly, really, want to invest in individuals to strengthen those links?
Back to Room in the Inn. In the 5 years that I have been involved with this organization in some type of capacity, I have witnessed the true meaning of community. From the Founding Director to Executive Director, staff, volunteers, and most important those being served, everyone, and I mean everyone, at some level was connected to the mission through their service. I have never worked for an organization that valued learning people's names as much as this organization. It wasn't surprising to see the Founding Director of Executive Director interacting with the participants (the term used to describe those utilizing services-they are active participants in their own development) or lending a helping hand when needed outside of their role assigned duties. At the end of the day, this organization found individuals who believed in the mission as much as the Founding Director does, and utilizes their skills to serve others while focusing on the importance of human connection in service to others. In addition to the stress on human connection, the volunteer support is something you don't see often with non-profits. Yes, there are those that do no agree with the work that is being done, but the action of those that do speak louder than the naysayers. The volunteers that serve through Room in the Inn have filled gaps where resources were not available, they exhibit the true meaning of community and as I said before, believe in the mission of this organization just as much as those that work there. 5 years later, i'm still reflecting, still in awe of this organization and the work it does and how it continues to operate with the integrity that was presented when it first began over 25 years ago in a church with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
So why am I bringing this up? As I said, i'm beginning the process of really thinking and working towards my dream of starting my own non-profit and when I think of how I would like that non-profit to look, I envision something very similar to what I saw and experienced at Room in the Inn. My hats off to this organization because they are doing something (and something pretty big) the right way (atleast in my eyes) and are a good example for any organization in the business of serving others.
(for more information about Room in the Inn checkout http://www.roomintheinn.org/)
Around this time 5 years ago, I became an employee of Room in the Inn's Campus for Human Development, closely working with those the organization serves. I have been saying either aloud or in my head since I was in the Peace Corps that I want to eventually become by own boss and begin my own non-profit. Now that I reflect on this idea more and really begin to take the steps to make it happen, I can't help but think about the influence this organization has had on my perspective to community and human development. I have had my fair share of experiences working and volunteering in the non-profit world. Some positive and some not so positive, but all have taught me something in regards to how I would approach the business of serving others. None of these organizations have taught me how to truly serve others and still run an organization efficiently then Room in the Inn (Campus for Human Development).
I'm going to go on a bit of a rant here, but hear me out. Nothing gets under my skin more than a non-profit organization that sees those it serves as a number opposed to a human being (or living being). Yes, there is a business aspect to running non-profits because let's face it, they don't run on air. But because there is a business aspect it, it does not mean that the human, or humanity, aspect needs to suffer. I don't understand why more organizations don't feel that they could do this, don't feel they have to do this, or don't think it is necessary to do this. What's the purpose of serving others if the service you are providing doesn't come from the heart? At the end of the day, anyone experiencing a trauma or difficult situation in their life, needs validation that their presence is valued and how do you value that presence if you don't value the connection with the being and instead only see it as a number? I'm all about community development, I all about helping the next person (and let my mom tell you, I should stop giving my services away for free...LOL), and i'm for those things because I have realized the value of community and human development, when one wins then only one benefits, when many win, many benefit and because as they say "we're only as strong as our weakest link" then why don't we truly, really, want to invest in individuals to strengthen those links?
Back to Room in the Inn. In the 5 years that I have been involved with this organization in some type of capacity, I have witnessed the true meaning of community. From the Founding Director to Executive Director, staff, volunteers, and most important those being served, everyone, and I mean everyone, at some level was connected to the mission through their service. I have never worked for an organization that valued learning people's names as much as this organization. It wasn't surprising to see the Founding Director of Executive Director interacting with the participants (the term used to describe those utilizing services-they are active participants in their own development) or lending a helping hand when needed outside of their role assigned duties. At the end of the day, this organization found individuals who believed in the mission as much as the Founding Director does, and utilizes their skills to serve others while focusing on the importance of human connection in service to others. In addition to the stress on human connection, the volunteer support is something you don't see often with non-profits. Yes, there are those that do no agree with the work that is being done, but the action of those that do speak louder than the naysayers. The volunteers that serve through Room in the Inn have filled gaps where resources were not available, they exhibit the true meaning of community and as I said before, believe in the mission of this organization just as much as those that work there. 5 years later, i'm still reflecting, still in awe of this organization and the work it does and how it continues to operate with the integrity that was presented when it first began over 25 years ago in a church with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
So why am I bringing this up? As I said, i'm beginning the process of really thinking and working towards my dream of starting my own non-profit and when I think of how I would like that non-profit to look, I envision something very similar to what I saw and experienced at Room in the Inn. My hats off to this organization because they are doing something (and something pretty big) the right way (atleast in my eyes) and are a good example for any organization in the business of serving others.
(for more information about Room in the Inn checkout http://www.roomintheinn.org/)
Sunday, September 16, 2012
A story of a girl.
I have a story to share....
There was a talented, skillful, intelligent young woman who worked for an organization that served homeless women. She spent two years working with them in a capacity that was below her abilities but because it worked with her life at the time she did not see an issue and just enjoyed the fact that she was doing work that she enjoyed doing. One day, a little over a year into her job with this organization, she recognized a need. The organization, although it provided great services to those it served, it was missing a large fundamental piece to help provide better support to those it was serving. The organization was in transition and preparing to expand and this young woman saw the need for a more comprehensive education program that would better prepare the clients for their next step outside of the shelter. She proposed the idea to the higher ups of designing a new program, keeping in mind there could be a better job for her upon completion, and once the proposal was accepted began working on the program. For 6 months she spent many, many hours doing assessments and research to design a program that would be best suitable for those that this organization serves. After completing the design of the program and handing it over, she was informed that at the time there wouldn't be an opportunity to bring an individual on to manage it. Although she was saddened by this news, she knew that this program, one day, will come to life benefiting those that it was intended to benefit. All was not wasted because she was able to use the program as the final project for her Masters and was able to collect her diploma 2 months after walking across the stage.
For a few months this young woman spent time seeking out job opportunities that could be a good fit only wishing that something better would come along, something that was the RIGHT fit. After turning down 2 positions due to the low salary being offered and being turned down from another position after two months of interviews, she was surprised to find out that the organization in which she designed the program for was now hiring someone to manage the program and within the salary range she was seeking. Being excited that the opportunity she hoped for and thought was the right one became available, she applied and was granted an initial interview. Now it seemed kind of silly having to interview with someone that she worked with for two years but figured they were trying to go about it the most fair way. She was offered a second interview on the spot and at the second interview was told to submit references. She submitted her references and a week went by before a request for another reference was made in which she happily obliged and sent the reference. She was told that a decision would be made the following week and she anxiously waited for the decision to be made. It was a long wait and difficult because everyone around the girl knew she had the job seeing as she worked with the organization for two years AND designed the program. When the day came for the decision, she did not hear anything but assumed it was because everyone was busy preparing for the expansion. The next day she decided to email the hiring manager/her co-worker and did not receive an immediate response. A few hours passed and then she received a call that would alter the path her life would take. "Courtney, we were really, really, really (and no I did not emphasize that, she really did say 'really' that many times) impressed by you but unfortunately we decided to go with another candidate. We really hope you will consider other positions as they become available in the coming months, we really do." Yep folks, this young lady was me and this really happened. As much as I told myself over the interview process that I shouldn't expect to be offered the job, to me it made the most logical sense seeing as I had everything they were looking for from educational background and experience to being the one who DESIGNED the program. So as disappointed as I was I had to accept the fact that I wouldn't be the one to manage this amazing program I designed.
After receiving some sound advice from my mom, I copyrighted my program and decided to expand my job search to outside of the DC area. Now i'm not opposed if the right opportunity is here in DC but i'm now not shut off to the idea that maybe DC was just a pit stop in my journey and there is somewhere else I need to be next. Who knows, but I do know what I have learned in this job search process.
1. Do not ever settle for something unless you have to. I've had jobs try to get me to work a zillion hours and offer to pay me nothing. I know my worth, I don't expect more than I deserve and I am not willing to settle for just anything because I feel that I have to. Lucky for me, I have people all around me that support me and are willing to support me through this transition (thanks mom!).
2. Do not limit yourself. I spent 2 years convincing myself that I need to stay in DC and DC has the best opportunities for me. I then realized that although I would like to stay near my mom and family, there are opportunities outside of DC that could and would work for me as well. The work that I want to do is needed everywhere which means there are opportunities everywhere for me.
3. You create the life you want to have. After initially being stressed out about the whole job thing, I decided to let go and live life as I would if I had a job. During the day I spend time looking and applying for jobs but the evenings and weekends are my time to relax, catch up with friends and family, and remember there is more to life then work, work, work.
So although I am now approaching this job search with a more open mind who knows where i'll end up. Hell, 2 years is a pretty standard amount of time for me to be in any one place and i'm surprised I made it this long. After hearing the news from the shelter, I had to remind myself to count my blessings. I have health, home, love, clothes, food, family, friends, choices and these blessings although they seem so basic is all we really need. I know the right opportunity is out there for me and i'm not willing to settle....just yet.
The End.
There was a talented, skillful, intelligent young woman who worked for an organization that served homeless women. She spent two years working with them in a capacity that was below her abilities but because it worked with her life at the time she did not see an issue and just enjoyed the fact that she was doing work that she enjoyed doing. One day, a little over a year into her job with this organization, she recognized a need. The organization, although it provided great services to those it served, it was missing a large fundamental piece to help provide better support to those it was serving. The organization was in transition and preparing to expand and this young woman saw the need for a more comprehensive education program that would better prepare the clients for their next step outside of the shelter. She proposed the idea to the higher ups of designing a new program, keeping in mind there could be a better job for her upon completion, and once the proposal was accepted began working on the program. For 6 months she spent many, many hours doing assessments and research to design a program that would be best suitable for those that this organization serves. After completing the design of the program and handing it over, she was informed that at the time there wouldn't be an opportunity to bring an individual on to manage it. Although she was saddened by this news, she knew that this program, one day, will come to life benefiting those that it was intended to benefit. All was not wasted because she was able to use the program as the final project for her Masters and was able to collect her diploma 2 months after walking across the stage.
For a few months this young woman spent time seeking out job opportunities that could be a good fit only wishing that something better would come along, something that was the RIGHT fit. After turning down 2 positions due to the low salary being offered and being turned down from another position after two months of interviews, she was surprised to find out that the organization in which she designed the program for was now hiring someone to manage the program and within the salary range she was seeking. Being excited that the opportunity she hoped for and thought was the right one became available, she applied and was granted an initial interview. Now it seemed kind of silly having to interview with someone that she worked with for two years but figured they were trying to go about it the most fair way. She was offered a second interview on the spot and at the second interview was told to submit references. She submitted her references and a week went by before a request for another reference was made in which she happily obliged and sent the reference. She was told that a decision would be made the following week and she anxiously waited for the decision to be made. It was a long wait and difficult because everyone around the girl knew she had the job seeing as she worked with the organization for two years AND designed the program. When the day came for the decision, she did not hear anything but assumed it was because everyone was busy preparing for the expansion. The next day she decided to email the hiring manager/her co-worker and did not receive an immediate response. A few hours passed and then she received a call that would alter the path her life would take. "Courtney, we were really, really, really (and no I did not emphasize that, she really did say 'really' that many times) impressed by you but unfortunately we decided to go with another candidate. We really hope you will consider other positions as they become available in the coming months, we really do." Yep folks, this young lady was me and this really happened. As much as I told myself over the interview process that I shouldn't expect to be offered the job, to me it made the most logical sense seeing as I had everything they were looking for from educational background and experience to being the one who DESIGNED the program. So as disappointed as I was I had to accept the fact that I wouldn't be the one to manage this amazing program I designed.
After receiving some sound advice from my mom, I copyrighted my program and decided to expand my job search to outside of the DC area. Now i'm not opposed if the right opportunity is here in DC but i'm now not shut off to the idea that maybe DC was just a pit stop in my journey and there is somewhere else I need to be next. Who knows, but I do know what I have learned in this job search process.
1. Do not ever settle for something unless you have to. I've had jobs try to get me to work a zillion hours and offer to pay me nothing. I know my worth, I don't expect more than I deserve and I am not willing to settle for just anything because I feel that I have to. Lucky for me, I have people all around me that support me and are willing to support me through this transition (thanks mom!).
2. Do not limit yourself. I spent 2 years convincing myself that I need to stay in DC and DC has the best opportunities for me. I then realized that although I would like to stay near my mom and family, there are opportunities outside of DC that could and would work for me as well. The work that I want to do is needed everywhere which means there are opportunities everywhere for me.
3. You create the life you want to have. After initially being stressed out about the whole job thing, I decided to let go and live life as I would if I had a job. During the day I spend time looking and applying for jobs but the evenings and weekends are my time to relax, catch up with friends and family, and remember there is more to life then work, work, work.
So although I am now approaching this job search with a more open mind who knows where i'll end up. Hell, 2 years is a pretty standard amount of time for me to be in any one place and i'm surprised I made it this long. After hearing the news from the shelter, I had to remind myself to count my blessings. I have health, home, love, clothes, food, family, friends, choices and these blessings although they seem so basic is all we really need. I know the right opportunity is out there for me and i'm not willing to settle....just yet.
The End.
Friday, September 7, 2012
2 years ago.
So I haven't wrote in awhile. Probably because I was unsure what to write about seeing that not much has really happened and I haven't been in much of a writing mood...until now. It's surprising how things come full circle and re-present a lesson or two learned previously but somehow magically forgotten during this journey called life. 2 years ago, I was going through the oh so fun job search process. Up until that point, I was able to land jobs through my connections to people (my job as a director of a summer program was brought on by a referral by a friend and my first job out of undergrad was given to me due to my role as a volunteer the previous 4 years). I never really had to go through the job search process because I was always able to find one, or have one fall into my lap just as I needed it. 2 years ago, my self- esteem took a huge blow when I couldn't find a job, particularly one I could see myself doing happily. 2 years ago, I entered into a mind space that just really wasn't the most positive. 2 years ago, despite the blows to the self-esteem, the dark mind space, and the inability to find joy within the everyday comings and goings of life I was able to get it together, mentally and physically to keep it going. If you don't believe me, go back in my blog and you will see, that those few months when summer tapered into fall, were difficult and not the happiest for me. 2 years later, I find myself in the same exact place. job searching and looking for a position that is the right fit, something that I would want to do for the next long time, something that was aligned with my passions and left my soul feeling fulfilled and up until this point nothing but crickets can be heard.
As I saw myself falling back into that same mind space I was in 2 years ago, I had to check myself. Things in life were not in order, from relationships to what I needed to do on a day to day to keep myself sane. If I continued to let things get out of hand, out of my control, I would have fallen...hard. After a few days of being in my thoughts and figuring out what I needed to do to keep my sanity,peace, and joy, I realized that even though there are things that are out of my control at this point, i'm resilient. I always have and always will make it over the hurdles that life throws in front of me and I will always come out stronger, wiser, happier and more balanced than before. I had to remind myself that even though things may appear to not being going in the direction I want them to go, they're going in the direction I need them to go in order to get to the next stop in my journey. It's a scary, scary thing to be placed in a vulnerable situation such as this, but just because this situation makes me vulnerable, it does not take away from who I am as an individual, what I have accomplished, what I will accomplished.
There are a lot of things I need to do to get back on track, re-establishing boundaries, focusing on my needs, recreating a plan that is more conducive to positive mental thoughts, and more importantly reminding myself that although things may not be in my favor at this very moment, when the moment is right they will be. Sometimes it's difficult to be patient when you think you have been waiting a long time, but life is just one big waiting game. Either you can get really good at it, which means allowing things to unfold as they are supposed to when they are supposed to, or you can become really bad at, forcing the hand of situation that lead you to a path of emptiness. I'm choosing to get good it and while i'm working on mastering the art of patience, I'm going to allow myself to re-experience the joys that are involved with living.
Its time to stop existing and start living again.
As I saw myself falling back into that same mind space I was in 2 years ago, I had to check myself. Things in life were not in order, from relationships to what I needed to do on a day to day to keep myself sane. If I continued to let things get out of hand, out of my control, I would have fallen...hard. After a few days of being in my thoughts and figuring out what I needed to do to keep my sanity,peace, and joy, I realized that even though there are things that are out of my control at this point, i'm resilient. I always have and always will make it over the hurdles that life throws in front of me and I will always come out stronger, wiser, happier and more balanced than before. I had to remind myself that even though things may appear to not being going in the direction I want them to go, they're going in the direction I need them to go in order to get to the next stop in my journey. It's a scary, scary thing to be placed in a vulnerable situation such as this, but just because this situation makes me vulnerable, it does not take away from who I am as an individual, what I have accomplished, what I will accomplished.
There are a lot of things I need to do to get back on track, re-establishing boundaries, focusing on my needs, recreating a plan that is more conducive to positive mental thoughts, and more importantly reminding myself that although things may not be in my favor at this very moment, when the moment is right they will be. Sometimes it's difficult to be patient when you think you have been waiting a long time, but life is just one big waiting game. Either you can get really good at it, which means allowing things to unfold as they are supposed to when they are supposed to, or you can become really bad at, forcing the hand of situation that lead you to a path of emptiness. I'm choosing to get good it and while i'm working on mastering the art of patience, I'm going to allow myself to re-experience the joys that are involved with living.
Its time to stop existing and start living again.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Leaving on a Jet Plane
Today is the day, i'm off and on my way. Wow. Can't believe in a few short hours I will begin my journey to Nigeria. I'm not really sure how to feel at this point. I'm excited for the opportunity to travel with a great organization and do work i'm passionate about. I'm nervous because I have never been and although I know i'm in good hands, it still feels like diving into murky waters hoping nothing is at the bottom to get you. I really don't know what to expect this time and I think because I have accepted that having little expectations and remaining open to what comes my way is the way to go, i'm pretty calm about my upcoming adventure. I know that this trip, unlike others in the past, will test me in new ways and push me out of my comfort zone.
Folks keep asking if i'm ready and I guess I can say that I am. I mean, my bags are packed. I have my passport and ticket, and sleeping pills for the flight. So in that sense, yes I am ready. Mentally i'm still trying to convince myself that I am really going to Nigeria and trying not to think how quickly the time will fly by. I looking forward to this new adventure and getting to know those that I will be interacting with during and hopefully after this adventure. I'm looking forward to making new friends, trying new foods, and seeing another part of the beautiful continent of Africa.
So until the next time that I write, which hopefully is sooner rather than later, keep me and the team i'm traveling with in your prayers (or thoughts, or whatever you do when you're trying to wish good things upon someone).
Love, love, love!
Folks keep asking if i'm ready and I guess I can say that I am. I mean, my bags are packed. I have my passport and ticket, and sleeping pills for the flight. So in that sense, yes I am ready. Mentally i'm still trying to convince myself that I am really going to Nigeria and trying not to think how quickly the time will fly by. I looking forward to this new adventure and getting to know those that I will be interacting with during and hopefully after this adventure. I'm looking forward to making new friends, trying new foods, and seeing another part of the beautiful continent of Africa.
So until the next time that I write, which hopefully is sooner rather than later, keep me and the team i'm traveling with in your prayers (or thoughts, or whatever you do when you're trying to wish good things upon someone).
Love, love, love!
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