Scars. We all have them. Scars from people who took for granted what we had to offer. Scars from people who failed to see the gifts that we bring to this world. Scars that prevent us from being who we are.
I like many have had my share of broken hearts. I remember my first heartbreak I was 8 and my father left. I try not to put to much of my personal life in my blog particularly when it involves specific people but for this instance I will allow it. Daddy's little girl I was so when he left, I was left feeling incomplete. Although I know that it was not my fault, I held for a very, very long time the hurt and heartache from that experience. Confused and not understanding why, I made it a point not to allow myself to get close to any man out of the fear that I would be left feeling the way I did when my father left. Classic story I know, a girl with daddy issues. Although I moved past the initial pain, I carried it around like a monkey on my back until I finally got tired of carrying that burden. I opened myself and my heart to individuals who were not in places to receive it, cherish and take care of it and after each heartbreak I promised myself that I wouldn't allow myself to fall again, it hurt too much and in the end I was the one to lose. As I have gotten older I have a realized a shift in my perspective when it comes to relationships. I got tired of carrying the burden, of allowing myself to feel disappointed if something that could have potentially worked out didn't and I realized above all that in order to heal I would have to get to the root of the issue and face it head on.
After a lapse in time, I re-established a relationship with my father. This was not the easiest process or thing to do because I was still a bit weary of whether or not history would repeat itself. I knew that if I didn't forgive him, If I didn't give it a try I would forever be broken and I wanted to be healed. Being older an understanding that everyone has their own demons which has allowed me to be more empathetic towards my father. It has also allowed for me to recognize that if I could not have a healthy relationship with this man who was once the center of my world, I will never be able to give of myself completely to another man. I was setting every man that could have potentially turned into more for failure because I was failing to deal with my own issues. I'm still working on my relationship with my father, I think we both recognize what went wrong and although unspoken, have decided to move past it. I'm grateful that despite the pain I am able to come on top stronger, wiser, and more ready for the next challenge that is presented.
It took me a whole lot of meditation, prayer, reading and reflection to understand the root of the issue and to give me the strength to deal with it. I love love, I love being in love, I love sharing love, I love seeing love, and in order for this I had to be in a position to accept it, to witness it, and to give it. Its a journey i'm still on, i'm still learning, i'm still experiencing and as each day passes, as each relationship I encounter unfolds I am able to learn, love and appreciate the experience for what it is and not what I think it should be. I have blessed in the fact that at 26 I have been given this perspective, that I am able to engage in healthy relationships and exit them when needed without feeling like I have wasted time or lost a part of myself. It is my only wish that others were able to feel the same and to know how to do the same.
I find myself meeting quite a few guys that are broken (and some girlfriends, but for the sake of this blog im just focusing on the men). I can't fix them. I have given up the idea that my unconditional love, compassion, comfort, and listening ear would be able to fix them and change their perspective. I have realized that my unconditional love, compassion, comfort and listening ear can only provide the support needed for them to move forward, to heal, but they have to do it for themselves in order for it to last. I used to think that I could fix them but that was because I subconsciously thought I was fixing my father, a task that was entirely out of my control. It's quite sad the impact that individuals have on eachother and it's quite sad that that impact can change an individual's entire perspective and outlook on life. I know over time the wounds caused by others become scars and those scars may fade a little but will always be there. So either learn to accept and move past them or continue living bound to a past that you wanted to move forward from.
Love is an amazingly beautiful thing when done with the best intentions. Nothing is ever lost when one loves because there is a lesson learned in everything. As I have said before, it is always better to be grateful that it happened then sad that it's over. I know that for each man I have ever let into my space to share my world, I have walked a way with the knowledge the confidence to apply whatever I learned in the next relationship. Life is meant to be lived and life involves risks, sometimes taking a risk leads down an unexpected road to something beautiful.
“You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.” -Paulo Coehlo
I like many have had my share of broken hearts. I remember my first heartbreak I was 8 and my father left. I try not to put to much of my personal life in my blog particularly when it involves specific people but for this instance I will allow it. Daddy's little girl I was so when he left, I was left feeling incomplete. Although I know that it was not my fault, I held for a very, very long time the hurt and heartache from that experience. Confused and not understanding why, I made it a point not to allow myself to get close to any man out of the fear that I would be left feeling the way I did when my father left. Classic story I know, a girl with daddy issues. Although I moved past the initial pain, I carried it around like a monkey on my back until I finally got tired of carrying that burden. I opened myself and my heart to individuals who were not in places to receive it, cherish and take care of it and after each heartbreak I promised myself that I wouldn't allow myself to fall again, it hurt too much and in the end I was the one to lose. As I have gotten older I have a realized a shift in my perspective when it comes to relationships. I got tired of carrying the burden, of allowing myself to feel disappointed if something that could have potentially worked out didn't and I realized above all that in order to heal I would have to get to the root of the issue and face it head on.
After a lapse in time, I re-established a relationship with my father. This was not the easiest process or thing to do because I was still a bit weary of whether or not history would repeat itself. I knew that if I didn't forgive him, If I didn't give it a try I would forever be broken and I wanted to be healed. Being older an understanding that everyone has their own demons which has allowed me to be more empathetic towards my father. It has also allowed for me to recognize that if I could not have a healthy relationship with this man who was once the center of my world, I will never be able to give of myself completely to another man. I was setting every man that could have potentially turned into more for failure because I was failing to deal with my own issues. I'm still working on my relationship with my father, I think we both recognize what went wrong and although unspoken, have decided to move past it. I'm grateful that despite the pain I am able to come on top stronger, wiser, and more ready for the next challenge that is presented.
It took me a whole lot of meditation, prayer, reading and reflection to understand the root of the issue and to give me the strength to deal with it. I love love, I love being in love, I love sharing love, I love seeing love, and in order for this I had to be in a position to accept it, to witness it, and to give it. Its a journey i'm still on, i'm still learning, i'm still experiencing and as each day passes, as each relationship I encounter unfolds I am able to learn, love and appreciate the experience for what it is and not what I think it should be. I have blessed in the fact that at 26 I have been given this perspective, that I am able to engage in healthy relationships and exit them when needed without feeling like I have wasted time or lost a part of myself. It is my only wish that others were able to feel the same and to know how to do the same.
I find myself meeting quite a few guys that are broken (and some girlfriends, but for the sake of this blog im just focusing on the men). I can't fix them. I have given up the idea that my unconditional love, compassion, comfort, and listening ear would be able to fix them and change their perspective. I have realized that my unconditional love, compassion, comfort and listening ear can only provide the support needed for them to move forward, to heal, but they have to do it for themselves in order for it to last. I used to think that I could fix them but that was because I subconsciously thought I was fixing my father, a task that was entirely out of my control. It's quite sad the impact that individuals have on eachother and it's quite sad that that impact can change an individual's entire perspective and outlook on life. I know over time the wounds caused by others become scars and those scars may fade a little but will always be there. So either learn to accept and move past them or continue living bound to a past that you wanted to move forward from.
Love is an amazingly beautiful thing when done with the best intentions. Nothing is ever lost when one loves because there is a lesson learned in everything. As I have said before, it is always better to be grateful that it happened then sad that it's over. I know that for each man I have ever let into my space to share my world, I have walked a way with the knowledge the confidence to apply whatever I learned in the next relationship. Life is meant to be lived and life involves risks, sometimes taking a risk leads down an unexpected road to something beautiful.
“You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.” -Paulo Coehlo
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