In the business of serving others

As a senior in HS I took a class that had a component that required students to create an independent project of their choice. I chose to focus on homelessness and as a part of that project I took a service learning trip to Nashville, TN. I had the opportunity to work with a few different agencies in Nashville that focuses on supporting the needs of the homeless. An organization that we spent a few days volunteering with was Room in the Inn (Campus for Human Development). This organization provided several much needed services to a population of people society often times overlooks or sees as a burden. Knowing that I will be returning to Nashville the following fall for school, I stored this organization in mind so that when I returned I could find out more about what they do and become a volunteer.

Around this time 5 years ago, I became an employee of Room in the Inn's Campus for Human Development, closely working with those the organization serves. I have been saying either aloud or in my head since I was in the Peace Corps that I want to eventually become by own boss and begin my own non-profit. Now that I reflect on this idea more and really begin to take the steps to make it happen, I can't help but think about the influence this organization has had on my perspective to community and human development. I have had my fair share of experiences working and volunteering in the non-profit world. Some positive and some not so positive, but all have taught me something in regards to how I would approach the business of serving others. None of these organizations have taught me how to truly serve others and still run an organization efficiently then Room in the Inn (Campus for Human Development).

I'm going to go on a bit of a rant here, but hear me out. Nothing gets under my skin more than a non-profit organization that sees those it serves as a number opposed to a human being (or living being). Yes, there is a business aspect to running non-profits because let's face it, they don't run on air. But because there is a business aspect it, it does not mean that the human, or humanity, aspect needs to suffer. I don't understand why more organizations don't feel that they could do this, don't feel they have to do this, or don't think it is necessary to do this. What's the purpose of serving others if the service you are providing doesn't come from the heart? At the end of the day, anyone experiencing a trauma or difficult situation in their life, needs validation that their presence is valued and how do you value that presence if you don't value the connection with the being and instead only see it as a number? I'm all about community development, I all about helping the next person (and let my mom tell you, I should stop giving my services away for free...LOL), and i'm for those things because I have realized the value of community and human development, when one wins then only one benefits, when many win, many benefit and because as they say "we're only as strong as our weakest link" then why don't we truly, really, want to invest in individuals to strengthen those links?

Back to Room in the Inn. In the 5 years that I have been involved with this organization in some type of capacity, I have witnessed the true meaning of community. From the Founding Director to Executive Director, staff, volunteers, and most important those being served, everyone, and I mean everyone, at some level was connected to the mission through their service. I have never worked for an organization that valued learning people's names as much as this organization. It wasn't surprising to see the Founding Director of Executive Director interacting with the participants (the term used to describe those utilizing services-they are active participants in their own development) or lending a helping hand when needed outside of their role assigned duties. At the end of the day, this organization found individuals who believed in the mission as much as the Founding Director does, and utilizes their skills to serve others while focusing on the importance of human connection in service to others. In addition to the stress on human connection, the volunteer support is something you don't see often with non-profits. Yes, there are those that do no agree with the work that is being done, but the action of those that do speak louder than the naysayers. The volunteers that serve through Room in the Inn have filled gaps where resources were not available, they exhibit the true meaning of community and as I said before, believe in the mission of this organization just as much as those that work there. 5 years later, i'm still reflecting, still in awe of this organization and the work it does and how it continues to operate with the integrity that was presented when it first began over 25 years ago in a church  with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

So why am I bringing this up? As I said, i'm beginning the process of really thinking and working towards my dream of starting my own non-profit and when I think of how I would like that non-profit to look, I envision something very similar to what I saw and experienced at Room in the Inn. My hats off to this organization because they are doing something (and something pretty big) the right way (atleast in my eyes) and are a good example for any organization in the business of serving others.

(for more information about Room in the Inn checkout http://www.roomintheinn.org/)

A story of a girl.

I have a story to share....

There was a talented, skillful, intelligent young woman who worked for an organization that served homeless women. She spent two years working with them in a capacity that was below her abilities but because it worked with her life at the time she did not see an issue and just enjoyed the fact that she was doing work that she enjoyed doing. One day, a little over a year into her job with this organization, she recognized a need. The organization, although it provided great services to those it served, it was missing a large fundamental piece to help provide better support to those it was serving. The organization was in transition and preparing to expand and this young woman saw the need for a more comprehensive education program that would better prepare the clients for their next step outside of the shelter. She proposed the idea to the higher ups of designing a new program, keeping in mind there could be a better job for her upon completion, and once the proposal was accepted began working on the program. For 6 months she spent many, many hours doing assessments and research to design a program that would be best suitable for those that this organization serves. After completing the design of the program and handing it over, she was informed that at the time there wouldn't be an opportunity to bring an individual on to manage it. Although she was saddened by this news, she knew that this program, one day, will come to life benefiting those that it was intended to benefit. All was not wasted because she was able to use the program as the final project for her Masters and was able to collect her diploma 2 months after walking across the stage.

For a few months this young woman spent time seeking out job opportunities that could be a good fit only wishing that something better would come along, something that was the RIGHT fit. After turning down 2 positions due to the low salary being offered and being turned down from another position after two months of interviews, she was surprised to find out that the organization in which she designed the program for was now hiring someone to manage the program and within the salary range she was seeking. Being excited that the opportunity she hoped for and thought was the right one became available, she applied and was granted an initial interview. Now it seemed kind of silly having to interview with someone that she worked with for two years but figured they were trying to go about it the most fair way. She was offered a second interview on the spot and at the second interview was told to submit references. She submitted her references and a week went by before a request for another reference was made in which she happily obliged and sent the reference. She was told that a decision would be made the following week and she anxiously waited for the decision to be made. It was a long wait and difficult because everyone around the girl knew she had the job seeing as she worked with the organization for two years AND designed the program. When the day came for the decision, she did not hear anything but assumed it was because everyone was busy preparing for the expansion. The next day she decided to email the hiring manager/her co-worker and did not receive an immediate response. A few hours passed and then she received a call that would alter the path her life would take. "Courtney, we were really, really, really (and no I did not emphasize that, she really did say 'really' that many times) impressed by you but unfortunately we decided to go with another candidate. We really hope you will consider other positions as they become available in the coming months, we really do." Yep folks, this young lady was me and this really happened. As much as I told myself over the interview process that I shouldn't expect to be offered the job, to me  it made the most logical sense seeing as I had everything they were looking for from educational background and experience to being the one who DESIGNED the program. So as disappointed as I was I had to accept the fact that I wouldn't be the one to manage this amazing program I designed.

After receiving some sound advice from my mom, I copyrighted my program and decided to expand my job search to outside of the DC area. Now i'm not opposed if the right opportunity is here in DC but i'm now not shut off to the idea that maybe DC was just a pit stop in my journey and there is somewhere else I need to be next. Who knows, but I do know what I have learned in this job search process.

1. Do not ever settle for something unless you have to. I've had jobs try to get me to work a zillion hours and offer to pay me nothing. I know my worth, I don't expect more than I deserve and I am not willing to settle for just anything because I feel that I have to. Lucky for me, I have people all around me that support me and are willing to support me through this transition (thanks mom!).
2. Do not limit yourself. I spent 2 years convincing myself that I need to stay in DC and DC has the best opportunities for me. I then realized that although I would like to stay near my mom and family, there are opportunities outside of DC that could and would work for me as well. The work that I want to do is needed everywhere which means there are opportunities everywhere for me.
3. You create the life you want to have. After initially being stressed out about the whole job thing, I decided to let go and live life as I would if I had a job. During the day I spend time looking and applying for jobs but the evenings and weekends are my time to relax, catch up with friends and family, and remember there is more to life then work, work, work.

So although I am now approaching this job search with a more open mind who knows where i'll end up. Hell, 2 years is a pretty standard amount of time for me to be in any one place and i'm surprised I made it this long. After hearing the news from the shelter, I had to remind myself to count my blessings. I have health, home, love, clothes, food, family, friends, choices and these blessings although they seem so basic is all we really need. I know the right opportunity is out there for me and i'm not willing to settle....just yet.


The End.

2 years ago.

So I haven't wrote in awhile. Probably because I was unsure what to write about seeing that not much has really happened and I haven't been in much of a writing mood...until now. It's surprising how things come full circle and re-present a lesson or two learned previously but somehow magically forgotten during this journey called life. 2 years ago, I was going through the oh so fun job search process. Up until that point, I was able to land jobs through my connections to people (my job as a director of a summer program was brought on by a referral by a friend and my first job out of undergrad was given to me due to my role as a volunteer the previous 4 years). I never really had to go through the job search process because I was always able to find one, or have one fall into my lap just as I needed it. 2 years ago, my self- esteem took a huge blow when I couldn't find a job, particularly one I could see myself doing happily. 2 years ago, I entered into a mind space that just really wasn't the most positive. 2 years ago, despite the blows to the self-esteem, the dark mind space, and the inability to find joy within the everyday comings and goings of life I was able to get it together, mentally and physically to keep it going. If you don't believe me, go back in my blog and you will see, that those few months when summer tapered into fall, were difficult and not the happiest for me. 2 years later, I find myself in the same exact place. job searching and looking for a position that is the right fit, something that I would want to do for the next long time, something that was aligned with my passions and left my soul feeling fulfilled and up until this point nothing but crickets can be heard.

As I saw myself falling back into that same mind space I was in 2 years ago, I had to check myself. Things in life were not in order, from relationships to what I needed to do on a day to day to keep myself sane. If I continued to let things get out of hand, out of my control, I would have fallen...hard. After a few days of being in my thoughts and figuring out what I needed to do to keep my sanity,peace, and joy, I realized that even though there are things that are out of my control at this point, i'm resilient. I always have and always will make it over the hurdles that life throws in front of me and I will always come out stronger, wiser, happier and more balanced than before. I had to remind myself that even though things may appear to not being going in the direction I want them to go, they're going in the direction I need them to go in order to get to the next stop in my journey. It's a scary, scary thing to be placed in a vulnerable situation such as this, but just because this situation makes me vulnerable, it does not take away from who I am as an individual, what I have accomplished, what I will accomplished.

There are a lot of things I need to do to get back on track, re-establishing boundaries, focusing on my needs, recreating a plan that is more conducive to positive mental thoughts, and more importantly reminding myself that although things may not be in my favor at this very moment, when the moment is right they will be. Sometimes it's difficult to be patient when you think you have been waiting a long time, but life is just one big waiting game. Either you can get really good at it, which means allowing things to unfold as they are supposed to when they are supposed to, or you can become really bad at, forcing the hand of situation that lead you to a path of emptiness. I'm choosing to get good it and while i'm working on mastering the art of patience, I'm going to allow myself to re-experience the joys that are involved with living.

Its time to stop existing and start living again.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Today is the day, i'm off and on my way. Wow. Can't believe in a few short hours I will begin my journey to Nigeria. I'm not really sure how to feel at this point. I'm excited for the opportunity to travel with a great organization and do work i'm passionate about. I'm nervous because I have never been and although I know i'm in good hands, it still feels like diving into murky waters hoping nothing is at the bottom to get you. I really don't know what to expect this time and I think because I have accepted that having little expectations and remaining open to what comes my way is the way to go, i'm pretty calm about my upcoming adventure. I know that this trip, unlike others in the past, will test me in new ways and push me out of my comfort zone.

Folks keep asking if i'm ready and I guess I can say that I am. I mean, my bags are packed. I have my passport and ticket, and sleeping pills for the flight. So in that sense, yes I am ready. Mentally i'm still trying to convince myself that I am really going to Nigeria and trying not to think how quickly the time will fly by. I looking forward to this new adventure and getting to know those that I will be interacting with during and hopefully after this adventure. I'm looking forward to making new friends, trying new foods, and seeing another part of the beautiful continent of Africa.

So until the next time that I write, which hopefully is sooner rather than later, keep me and the team i'm traveling with in your prayers (or thoughts, or whatever you do when you're trying to wish good things upon someone).

Love, love, love!

It's about that time...to celebrate!

In approximately 12 days I will be celebrating yet another milestone...my 27th birthday! If you go back to blogs from this time last year, you will know that my birthday is my favorite holiday. This year is extra special as I will be celebrating my birthday stateside for the first time in 3 years (now that may not seem important but I can re-cap past birthdays abroad and let's just say they were memorable just not what I hoped to be doing). So after running through all the possible things that I could be doing for my birthday, I decided not to plan anything for the actual day and instead see how things fall into place.

I use this time to reflect on the past year, reviewing the lessons that have been learned and figuring out the goals I have for the new year. Although this year has been a rollcoaster of transitions and figuring out the right balance that keeps me from going insane, I have recognized that two lessons from this past year have stuck out the most for me. The first lesson, is letting go. You see I have this issue with control. Not so much over other people, but over me. I like to be spontaneous but at the same time have some sort of plan of action. I like surprises but I like being prepared for them. This control I believe has allowed me the certain level of success I have had this far but it has also taken the joy out of letting life happen. And let's be honest, I have a pretty sweet life filled with a lot of different opportunities that present themselves just as I am ready to take them on, so there really is no reason for me to feel that things won't work out. They always have. After becoming aware of this particular issue, I have consciously been telling myself to just accept things as they are and have faith that things will work out as they are supposed to. So tying back to my birthday and not making plans for the day, well, whatever is supposed to happen will happen. I know that i'm capable of making the most of it and I know that I will. 27 is all about living and enjoying life to the fullest and I want to start it off leaving behind this little "control" issue.

The other lesson I have learned is how not to let someone else rain on the sunshine parade you're in. You see, despite all the ups and downs this year, this year has been pretty fucking awesome. I got some good travel in-my first trip to Puerto Rico (a top five on my list of places to travel) and my first vacation without having to think about something that I have to do when it's over, I have met some good friends and strengthened some relationships with old friends, I have become comfortable with the person I am becoming while recognizing that my being is constantly being evolved and only I have the power to change things, I have learned how to let go when it comes to dating-at one point this was a priority but the more I tell myself that I need to live the life I want to live and all else will fall into place including this, the more it falls from the top of the priority list and good things have been happening there too. Despite my life being good, sadly some of those around me have been experiencing difficult times as they go through their own transitions and experiences. I wish I could make life easier for them, I wish I could help them overcome the difficulties they are facing or give them the perspective I have when it approaching certain situations but I can't. I have realized that just as I have, they have to figure out how to overcome their issues themselves, they have allow themselves the happiness they deserve and until they're ready to do that there's not much I can do but provide a listening ear, encouraging words, and love and to continue living life. Everyone goes through their own issues and I can attest to that, but i'm in a good place and i'm not going to let someone take that from me. Going back to the lesson learned from last year, do not be afraid to let your own happiness be a priority...mine is and i'm holding on to it because it's a pretty damn good place to be.

So there you have it folks. 27 is going to be a good year, I can feel it.

Now and Later...

It's been awhile since I have been able to write anything. I never have a shortage of things to write about, but when a topic pops up in my head, I usually don't have a computer nearby or the time to thoroughly think it through and write it out. I'm taking a little break from the end of semester things to write. In just a few short weeks I will have completed my degree. Well, actually by Wednesday I would have completed my last graduate assignment ever. With graduation looming about and the endless streams of questions about what next, i'm not really sure how I am supposed to feel. You see up until this point I had some sort of direction of where I wanted to be and what I wanted to be doing. I knew that when I graduated Vanderbilt the next step was Peace Corps and I knew that when I was in Peace Corps the next step was grad school. Now with grad school coming to a close, that next step is a bit hazy seeing as I'm not really sure what it is I want to do mostly because of the fact that I have options of what I can be doing. I can teach, passed my praxis with flying colors and will have my DC teaching license in a few shorts weeks. I can go into non-profit work similar to what I am doing now, or I can stick with development do that. I realized that given my varied interests, doing consultant work would be ideal. It will allow me to work within the various fields that I have an interest in without making a full commitment to any one thing. I have been fortunate enough to have employment with decent pay through the end of July and the hours I still have at the shelter (not sure how they will change once we move). I'm not in the I need a job right now phase and can take my time applying to places and not feel the pressure just yet. I'm happy that I will have a bit of a break during this transition to find my footing again and get to enjoy life without school looming over my head. As I prepare for the next chapter, I revisited some goals I set for myself 3 years ago while in the Peace Corps. I'm extremely proud of how far I have come and i'm looking forward to what will come next....

My goals (created 3 years ago)
Being my own boss and running my own non-profit that focuses on educational programming for girls and women in sub-Saharan Africa. (In-progress)
I will get my Masters from American University in International Training and Education (Done)
I will work for some sort of Govt. agency or NGO that does programming similar to my end goal so I can make sure i'm financially stable before jumping into my own thing (In progress)
Will find or be found by a loving partner(He would have to be supportive of my goals) have a beautiful commitment ceremony on the beach somewhere and then some children (In progress)
My family and I will split our time between the beautiful continent of Africa and America.
Be loved, happy, and fulfilled. (In-progress)
See as much of the world as I can, make as many new friends as I can, love with all I can, be happy for as long as I can (In-progress)
Design beneficial education programs for marginalized populations all over the world (In progress)

Finally....Peace and Clarity

If you couldn't tell by a few of my last blog posts, i've been a bit overwhelmed. Ok, not a bit but a lot. A lot more overwhelmed then I think I have ever been. Things usually come easy, or I can easily roll with the punches but this time around, it's been harder to just roll with it. There were so many things on my plate to think about, more especially the next step including my career, relationships, where i'll be when. I always have some sort of plan but lately, this plan that I created I found myself questioning it a lot. Trying to determine whether the plan I was creating was the right plan for me. I realized that a lot of this conflict stemmed from not wanting to let those around me down and a lot of where society expects me to be and how it expects me to be. There are some things that I can be certain about...Yes, I will make my way back overseas. I'm not going to lie, I feel out of place here. My thought process, my attitude toward life just in general, the states is home but doesn't feel like home and i'm not going to lie to myself about that. I'm not in a hurry to get back overseas though. There are relationships here that I would like to nurture more and there are things here that I would still like to do. How long will I be in DC? At least a year if not 2 or 3 or 4. Now that i'll be graduating, I will have a lot more time on my hands to enjoy this city and more than just the night life. I find that I enjoy a city so much more when the stress of a student is gone so i'm looking forward to that chapter ending and beginning the next chapter...here in DC.

In terms of my career, well, I've been a spoiled brat when it comes to this. Who complains about having too many opportunities? I mean no one is knocking down my door, but giving my experiences I'm in a better place than a lot of people when it comes to securing some type of employment. I'm allowing myself to be picky and find the opportunity that looks like the right fit for me. Although I would enjoy going back to teaching, DC is not an easy place to do it and although I will (hopefully) be fully licensed here, I want to make sure that the school and placement are the right fit for me as well so we will see where I end up in September.

For now, i'm going to stop and smell the roses. I have a couple more months left in being a student and although life has been stressful, it hasn't been all that bad. Time to enjoy! :)