who respect women for their minds, who value the gifts that women bring to the world, who choose not to raise a hand out of anger, who encourage, support, and appreciate women for all they do, I commend you.
A few days ago I was sitting in our dining hall taking a break from the work that was at my desk to enjoy a cup of tea. While I was sitting there minding my own business, I being me, nosy and all, began listening to a conversation between a couple of my colleagues. The conversation was about the woman colleague and her husband. Here in South Sudan, women, for the most part, are viewed as second class citizens. The traditional dowry is in place and it is believed that once the man gives the dowry to the family for the wife to be, she becomes his property and as his property he can do as he pleases. This woman was commenting on how her husband beats her and that she can't do much about it except hope that he doesn't beat her too bad. Of course everyone in their right mind is going to say leave but in a country where there are no laws in place to protect the rights of women and in a country so ingrained in their traditions that changing their minds about it will be difficult, women can't just leave. If she leaves her husband her family is responsible for paying back the dowry and depending on the size of the dowry(which is determined by the "worth" of the woman and measured in cattle- cattle can be valued from 200USD-1500USD) so if for example the husband gives a dowry of 10 cattle ranging in cost of 200-1500, just imagine the even if the 10 cattle were worth 200 each the cost will still be too much to pay back. If the woman is married off because she is a burden to the family in regards to expenses and if coming back burdens the family, what is she suppose to do?
I tried to ignore this, push it to the back of my mind, but I find myself thinking about it at random times. I can only imagine what it could be like for a woman who does not work, does not bring any income in, how powerless she is. As much as I wanted to counsel this colleague about gender equality and women's rights, I am well aware my women's empowerment pep talk will not work because she has no support system in place to support her. Everytime I re-visit this conversation I think about my freedoms as an American woman. Then I think about the men in my life who believe in me and there are 3 in particular who have had the greatest impact. Brandon, Chris, and Nick my 3 brothers. I believe that they are a large part of the reason why I can be confident in who I am as a woman, why I am confident enough to sit at the table with men and hold my own, and have been good examples of men who respect women for their minds, who value the gifts that women bring to the world, who choose not to raise a hand out of anger, who encourage, support, and appreciate women for all they do.
Growing up with 3 brothers was not always easy, trust me we have had our share of disagreements, but in the end there was never a time that I despised having them around. My brothers are very different and all have unique qualities that has contributed to me being me. My eldest brother, Brandon, is the protector. Family is number one and he would do what was needed to protect those he loved. If any boy was messing with me, Brandon would be the one to shake him up a bit(he never beat anyone up because of me) and let whomever know that i'm the wrong girl to mess with. Chris the middle brother, is my competitor. He has a gift, his ability to learn languages and learn various subjects astonishes me and because he's pretty much good at everything he does, I would challenge myself to be just as good. I haven't gotten the languages thing down just yet..but there's still time. Then there's Nick, my twin, and the one i'm closest too(probably because we spent a great deal of time in such close quarters during the early development stages) and the creative one. I'm very logical and its hard for me to think and get outside of the box some times, but Nick, a true free spirit, not only gets out of the box but re-creates it and there are times I wish I had the ability to do so. I think besides the gifts they have I have appreciated the most the respect, encouragement, and support they have given me. When I look at my brothers, I am proud of who they are as individuals and proud that they are my brothers. These guys have definitely raised the bar in my eyes of how men should treat women and as I have said it is because of them that I can stand confidently and work towards gender equality and know it's possible because they have shown me it is. I can go on about how great I think my brothers are, but i'll save it. There are several other men that I have had the pleasure of knowing that are just as amazing as my brothers and it's makes me happy to see that men can respect women especially after being here and seeing that it is not always the case.
I think many times when we think about gender equality and women's rights and leave out the role that men play, it is sad to think that they can be a determining factor of the freedoms we have but it is important for us to acknowledge and commend the men that push past stereotypes and cultural traditions and believe that women have every right to sit at the table as they do and open up the space for it to happen.
Hopefully now that I have shared this story with you, it will help me deal with the fact that I didn't speak up in that moment and say something. I may not have said something to her, but by sharing her story I hope that we can begin working towards a world where this does not happen.
In peace and equality,
xoxo
Courtney
A few days ago I was sitting in our dining hall taking a break from the work that was at my desk to enjoy a cup of tea. While I was sitting there minding my own business, I being me, nosy and all, began listening to a conversation between a couple of my colleagues. The conversation was about the woman colleague and her husband. Here in South Sudan, women, for the most part, are viewed as second class citizens. The traditional dowry is in place and it is believed that once the man gives the dowry to the family for the wife to be, she becomes his property and as his property he can do as he pleases. This woman was commenting on how her husband beats her and that she can't do much about it except hope that he doesn't beat her too bad. Of course everyone in their right mind is going to say leave but in a country where there are no laws in place to protect the rights of women and in a country so ingrained in their traditions that changing their minds about it will be difficult, women can't just leave. If she leaves her husband her family is responsible for paying back the dowry and depending on the size of the dowry(which is determined by the "worth" of the woman and measured in cattle- cattle can be valued from 200USD-1500USD) so if for example the husband gives a dowry of 10 cattle ranging in cost of 200-1500, just imagine the even if the 10 cattle were worth 200 each the cost will still be too much to pay back. If the woman is married off because she is a burden to the family in regards to expenses and if coming back burdens the family, what is she suppose to do?
I tried to ignore this, push it to the back of my mind, but I find myself thinking about it at random times. I can only imagine what it could be like for a woman who does not work, does not bring any income in, how powerless she is. As much as I wanted to counsel this colleague about gender equality and women's rights, I am well aware my women's empowerment pep talk will not work because she has no support system in place to support her. Everytime I re-visit this conversation I think about my freedoms as an American woman. Then I think about the men in my life who believe in me and there are 3 in particular who have had the greatest impact. Brandon, Chris, and Nick my 3 brothers. I believe that they are a large part of the reason why I can be confident in who I am as a woman, why I am confident enough to sit at the table with men and hold my own, and have been good examples of men who respect women for their minds, who value the gifts that women bring to the world, who choose not to raise a hand out of anger, who encourage, support, and appreciate women for all they do.
Growing up with 3 brothers was not always easy, trust me we have had our share of disagreements, but in the end there was never a time that I despised having them around. My brothers are very different and all have unique qualities that has contributed to me being me. My eldest brother, Brandon, is the protector. Family is number one and he would do what was needed to protect those he loved. If any boy was messing with me, Brandon would be the one to shake him up a bit(he never beat anyone up because of me) and let whomever know that i'm the wrong girl to mess with. Chris the middle brother, is my competitor. He has a gift, his ability to learn languages and learn various subjects astonishes me and because he's pretty much good at everything he does, I would challenge myself to be just as good. I haven't gotten the languages thing down just yet..but there's still time. Then there's Nick, my twin, and the one i'm closest too(probably because we spent a great deal of time in such close quarters during the early development stages) and the creative one. I'm very logical and its hard for me to think and get outside of the box some times, but Nick, a true free spirit, not only gets out of the box but re-creates it and there are times I wish I had the ability to do so. I think besides the gifts they have I have appreciated the most the respect, encouragement, and support they have given me. When I look at my brothers, I am proud of who they are as individuals and proud that they are my brothers. These guys have definitely raised the bar in my eyes of how men should treat women and as I have said it is because of them that I can stand confidently and work towards gender equality and know it's possible because they have shown me it is. I can go on about how great I think my brothers are, but i'll save it. There are several other men that I have had the pleasure of knowing that are just as amazing as my brothers and it's makes me happy to see that men can respect women especially after being here and seeing that it is not always the case.
I think many times when we think about gender equality and women's rights and leave out the role that men play, it is sad to think that they can be a determining factor of the freedoms we have but it is important for us to acknowledge and commend the men that push past stereotypes and cultural traditions and believe that women have every right to sit at the table as they do and open up the space for it to happen.
Hopefully now that I have shared this story with you, it will help me deal with the fact that I didn't speak up in that moment and say something. I may not have said something to her, but by sharing her story I hope that we can begin working towards a world where this does not happen.
In peace and equality,
xoxo
Courtney
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